5 Questions to Ask Your Coach

One of the things all players need to do more is ask questions. I challenge every player I coach to ask questions during training sessions, before, during, or after games, and any other time they are not sure about anything. Unfortunately, we live in a culture where most people, including youth soccer players, do not like to appear like they do not have all the answers already. Especially when around their peers, kids are very hesitant to ask questions in fear of being judged by the other players, or even the coach. More often than not, players (all of us really) would rather pretend like we understand than ask a question to get help we need to perform at a higher level. Our fear of being seen as incompetent outweighs our desire to improve.

So during the season, I would challenge all players to ask questions of their coaches when anything is unclear or to get a deeper understanding of an aspect of the game they feel they already know. All of us, coaches, parents, and players, should always be seeking more information and knowledge to help us make good decisions and elevate our level of “play” on the field and off the field.

Here are 5 things a player should never hesitate to ask your coach:

1. What are my weakest areas as a player? Be ready for the answer to this question. Often people ask for feedback and they only want to hear good things. Too negative of a response and we do not take it well. As a player, one who wants to be great, you WANT to hear the negative. The positive does not help a player improve, but it makes them feel good and build confidence (so it is important to). When a coach is very honest with a player about what he needs to improve, it is the most valuable information the player receives. Listen intently, make sure you understand, and then go to work making it a strength.

2. What are your expectations of …. ? All coaches are different and no two have the same views about almost anything. Each will have a different opinion about how the game should be played, players should act, and what makes up a great player. Although I hope a coach would make this clear before the season, it does not always happen. There are a lot of assumptions. A coach assumes players know what he wants, and the players assume they understand what the coach expects. Often, both are wrong and it is a key reason for confusion and misunderstanding. Find out what your coach expects from you, and work hard at exceeding those expectations.

3. What is my role within the team? Coaches see every player in some type of role within the team. For the team to be successful, each player must play their role so the team can reach their goals. You hear coaches say, “Know your job.” On a soccer team, a forward, midfielder, defender, and goalkeeper can play very different roles and have very different “jobs.” Each coach will ask those players to play those positions very differently. Players will assume that playing forward for one coach is the same as playing for another coach. It is not. Within the system the team plays, your role can be very different. Make sure you know your role on the field (know your job) and execute!

4. What did YOU do as a player? Coaches need to know their players in order to coach them effectively. But, players should also know their coaches in order to play for them effectively. Understanding a coach’s background, playing experience, coaching experience, and how they played the game, often gives valuable insight to why and how the coach teaches the way he or she does. We are all influenced by our past and experiences, and a coach is no different. Coaches often reflect the way they were as a player in their approach to teaching the game. As you learn more about a coach’s playing past, habits, successes, and failures, it is easier to anticipate what the coach will do or say before the coach says it or does it.

5. Why? As a coach, I love this question from players. After explaining something during a training session or during a game, I appreciate when a player asks why. For me, this is a clear sign that either player wants to learn more about what I was talking about, or the player does not understand why I am asking them to play a certain why. Players often understand what I am asking them to do, but often do not know WHY they are doing it. As a coach, I try to explain the why, but I know not every player gets it or maybe even agrees with it. By asking why, a player can not just know what they are doing, but can understand why they are doing it and how it relates to the game. This is probably the most important part of the education piece of coaching. When players do something without understanding why, the slightest change in any aspect of the task will leave the players left unsure about what to do. When the WHY is clear, a player can make appropriate adjustments to any changes in the game or in a training activity. They can take the same principles of the WHY and apply it to any other situation to make a better decision.

Just ask questions….that is all I am saying. Too often, players are passive onlookers in their own development. Players should take control of their development, own their development, by asking important questions to coaches throughout the year. As a coach, I have learned a lot from my players asking questions about training activities and the way I ask them to play the game. In answering, I feel I helped them become a better player and student of the game, and it challenged me to fully understand my coaching approach and philosophy.

Simply, when we stop asking questions, we stop learning. When we stop learning, we stop growing.

This Article is Not For You

None of my articles are for you. None of the other articles you read are either. There is a lot of information out there about a lot of things. If you are reading this, you are probably looking for information about your child’s youth soccer experience, ways to help your team this season, or anything else I have written about in the past. All of the articles I have written, the information I have posted on Facebook and Instagram have all been about my opinions and views of youth soccer, but none of that information was written specifically for you.

When you read articles and information about youth soccer, you can find opinion after opinion about anything you are interested in reading about. It is important to remember that most of it is opinion and there are very few facts or indisputable positions. As such, there are very few absolute rights or absolute wrongs. I am not saying absolutes do not exist, but they are not as prevalent as we are led to believe.

So, when reading these articles and applying them to your child’s playing experience or how to approach coaching your team, it is important to not just accept it as fact and decide that it is the right way to guide your kid or your team. There is something to take away from each article, great information and philosophies to give you ideas and things to consider, but it is rare that any article, post, or blog perfectly fits or encompasses all the unique characteristics of your child and team.

It is not that one person’s opinion is right or one person’s opinion is wrong. It is just two different opinions. Based on personal experience, education, and their perspective on what is best. In reality, every opinion is right, and each one is wrong depending how, when, where, and why it is applied. I have found few absolute answers in anything in life, and soccer is no different.

I was listening to a cable news show the other night, and a guest was talking about how we all form opinions on incomplete information. We don’t know it all (although we like to think so). He went on to talk about how strong opinions are good, passionately defending what you believe in is important, but we have lost a sense of MODESTY in our discussions and debates. When we get to the point when anyone who disagrees with us is either stupid, uneducated, misguided, ignorant, unenlightened, or is demonized, than we have lost our own personal sense of modesty in our stances. That modesty is grounded in the fact that we do not have all the facts. Especially in regards to other people’s lives and experiences.

Many of us who write articles for coaches and parents are doing it to help improve the youth soccer experience for everyone. But, I know, and I think others do as well, that our opinions do not fit perfectly or directly relate to everyone. When you try to apply principles and practices where they do not work or apply, they fail. Not because the principles or practices are flawed, but the logic of implementing them is.

We see this across the board in all aspect of our lives. From politics, to our jobs, to schools, to money, to raising kids, and to the playing field, everyone has the “new” and “better” way to do….whatever. Granted, we are all beneficiaries of those who challenged the status quo and found sensible approaches to problems and needs, but with all the advancements and changes, we all personally find ways to incorporate them in our lives or stick to the old way. We all have our reasons, right or wrong in the eyes of others, but most of us do it because it works for us. It makes sense in our reality and in the life we desire to build.

So when I write articles, and others write articles, they are not specifically for you. I do not hope you go back and change they way you approach your child’s soccer experience or coach your team. My only hope is that you are able to take something from it that helps you with your child’s soccer experience or team. My articles have ideas you agree with or the information helps reaffirm your own opinions which are different. Either way, that is exactly what I am hoping for when writing each article.

In short, this article is not for you. None of my articles are. They do not specifically, or perfectly, apply to anyone or any situation. BUT, I hope each article spurs thought and consideration, forces you to ask hard questions of yourself and others, and helps guide you, your child, or team down the path that YOU decide is best.

The New Form of Specialization: The Multi-Sport Athlete

There has been a lot of research and articles about the dangers of kids specializing in sports too early in hopes for a future career in the sport or scholarship opportunities down the road. Outside of physical and mental burnout, risk of more injuries, and the “fun” being removed from the game, many players deal with pressure from adults to excel on the playing field. The game becomes more about the adults than it does about what is best for the kids. The good news is that it seems parents are taking note and kids are doing other sports or activities throughout the year. The problem is that it seems an important step was skipped. Now instead of doing just one sport, kids are “specializing” in multiple sports. In other words, we forgot to take anything away, and we just keep adding on to the problem.

The idea is correct. It is important for players to play and experience different sports and activities as they grow up. Outside of developing better athletes, it helps prevent overuse injuries and creates well-rounded individuals with a more diverse youth sports experience.

The move away from early specialization and its benefits relies a child playing multiple sports or activities, but not necessarily multiple at the same time. This is the detail that was overlooked by some and now kids are not specializing in just one sport, but are specializing in many sports. In some cases, the situation has gone from one extreme to the other.

With this comes a new kind of burnout and over-scheduled kids who are training 4 plus hours a night in multiple sports. They run from basketball practice to soccer practice, or lacrosse practice to baseball practice, or track to volleyball. Parents do their best to try to manage the schedules and avoid overlap as much as possible so the kid can avoid missing a game or practice for both sports.

The demands of one practice, workload, intensity, what is physically or mentally targeted, is not at all coordinated with the other practices and game schedules. One practice may be a walk through before a game or recover day after a game, and the other practice could be a physically intense session with a lot of fitness oriented activities. In this case, both coaches, are trying to do what is best for their players, but since it is two separate sports with two different schedules, one practice can be very counter productive to the other. In short, it is much harder, and almost impossible, to manage the player’s mental and physical well being due to their being no collaboration between the coaches and sports.

This is not the coach’s fault as most run their teams and seasons in relation to just that season and team. It would be a tall order for coaches to manage their teams and players based on everyone’s extra sports or activities. It falls on the responsibility of the parents and the players to manage their schedules to make sure there is a good balance between both sports and life outside of sports.

Some players who do this are not playing sports on two “competitive” teams, but instead, are playing with one competitive or travel team while the other team is more recreational. Obviously the demands of recreational sports and competitive sports is often very different, but when combined can still create a situation where a child is over-scheduled and not getting the proper rest throughout the week in relation to one sport or the others.

The other issue arises when the athlete is very good at both sports. Often, it can become inappropriate for a player to play at the recreational level of a sport because of their level of play. It can lead to a negative experience for the player, his teammates, and other teams in the league if a player has clearly outgrown this level of play. The player can be seen as a “ringer” and does not belong due to running up high scores or clearly dominating even the next strongest players.

If a player is good and loves to play multiple sports, and they overlap in seasons, then what do we expect the parent or player to do? Pick? This could be an impossible decision for both. Playing at the recreational level at any of the sports is not fun for the player or really that appropriate, and playing competitively at both sports is not appropriate for the physical and mental health of the athlete. It becomes a very tough decision, so it is understandable for the player to try to both even though it could be too much.

To help with this problem, sports need to offer competitive options that are not yearly or multiple season commitments. This would give players more options to play and train at a level that is appropriate for them, while not having to stack the same sports in the same season. Coaches and programs would need to allow flexibility for kids to play just for a single season or not train in the “off-season” without it being seen as a lack of commitment or dedication to their sport or a lack of drive to improve.

Instead, it would be supporting the multi-sport platform and the benefits that come with it that have been well documented. There will still be players who just participate in a single sport and train more than others, but that does not mean that those players will necessarily have an advantage over the kids who do not train year round. But, it also could mean that they do, but that is ok, because that is how it goes sometimes.

Every player is different and every situation is different, so players who want to, and do, play multiple sports, need to be handled according to what is best for that particular player. With that said, it has to be recognized that there are additional dangers with kids playing multiple sports that overlap in season. Just like a player who specializes and is just playing one sport without rest, a player with multiple sports and no rest could be in an even more developmentally inappropriate situation that can have more negative effects than just playing one sport. There can be additional wear and tear on the body. In reality, the training and time has just doubled… along with diversifying the experiences. The real goal would be to diversify in sports without drastically adding to the number of hours/time spent training and playing to create the most developmentally ideal and safe playing experience possible.

In short, there are issues with specialization, but there can be even more issues with playing multiple sports at the same time. It is all about balance which is what the original push against specialization was based on. Although you want to be careful not to paint everyone with the same brush. What is right for one person is not right for another. Although, most agree that a proper balance needs to be struck between sports and other aspects of life. Especially when the push to play one sport or multiple sports is coming from adults with goals of making higher level teams, scholarships, professional contracts etc, there are a lot of adverse effects to the child.

We do not want to acknowledge the dangers of specialization, but at the same time, have kids stretched thin between multiple sports and only point to the benefits. The benefits of being a multi-sport athlete can quickly diminished by the overwork and fatigue placed on the body. We want to be careful we do not move from one extreme side of spectrum of youth sports to the other.

Kids can play one sport, or play multiple sports, but parents and coaches need to be constantly monitoring the player’s physical and mental condition. The player must be enjoying the experience and growing within that experience. It should be self-driven, and not externally driven. The player has to want it, not just the coach and/or parents.

As a child who loved one sport, I understand what it is like to have a passion for something and pursue it relentlessly. It has sacrifices and struggles, but I never did it for any other reason except that I loved it. I do not think that is right for most kids. And, what about the child who is truly passionate about multiple sports or activities? Do we deny the opportunity to pursue both? I think that is a hard thing to do.

In the end, we do not want to push kids in specializing in one sport because we think it will help them achieve more, and we also do not want to push kids into playing multiple sports because new research shows it is better for them and many high level athletes played multiple sports. The common ground there is the word PUSH. It is the PUSH from adults and coaches that make either scenario inappropriate for the child.

Know your child. Know your players. Make decisions based on what is best for them and what they love to do and are passionate about. Do not make decisions or push one way or the other out of fear your child or team will be left behind or will lose opportunities to be successful.

One Question

Can you play? It is simple question and the most important one. All the evaluations and feedback, opinions about what makes up a great player, and debate about the most important skills a player can possess, all come back to that simple question. The only thing that matters when determining a player’s ability level is if or if not that player can meet the demands of the game. When players are training, focusing on improving different skill areas of the game is very important, but will it translate into the players being effective and better in the game?

As many coaches have seen, there are players who are technically sound, physically capable, understand the game, and work hard, but struggle to be effective in games. They have the tools, but cannot seem to use them when needed. All the pieces of the puzzle are there, but they cannot put them together to meet the demands and challenges of the game.

These players have worked hard fine tuning their technical ability on the ball. With both feet, they are sound in receiving, passing and dribbling with speed and control. Tactically, they understand their role in their position, the principles of attacking and defending, and the coach’s expectations on how the team should play. The player is physically capable of playing the game, and the player is competitive and wants to win. Again, all the critical skill areas to play the game are possessed by the player, but for some reason, the player is unable to use them in the game effectively.

Something was missing in the player’s training. Something very critical. Although the player has learned all of these skills and has these tools, he has never learned:

1. HOW/WHEN/WHY TO USE THEM.
2. HOW/WHEN/WHY THEY ARE CONNECTED

Often this occurs when learning of these skills are done in a vacuum, isolated of one another, and not within the context of the game.

Think of it this way… like many people, I enjoy watching the many YouTube videos of people doing crazy tricks and skills with the soccer ball. From juggling, skill moves with the ball and finishing, there are some amazing things people can do. Many may watch these videos and just assume these people must be great players based on what they can do with the ball, but that assumption may be very wrong.

The only thing I know watching that type of video is that the player is exceptional at that one skill. I have no idea if the player is actually an effective player in the game. I know he can juggle, do a wicked (insert Boston accent) skill move, or hit a crazy bending shot, but I have no idea if that player is any good at playing the game.

I am not being critical of those players or those videos. I actually think they are tremendous tool for young players to watch and get ideas to train on their own, spark their own creativity, and expand their understanding on what is possible to do with the ball.

The point is that a player’s goal is NEVER to just get good at a single skill movement or an activity in training. It is not to be a better juggler or be able to do a skill move with the ball. A player’s goal should ALWAYS be to improve their ability to play the game. So when training, or practicing any skill, it always needs to be done in the context of how it will be used in the game.

When training, without the context of the game, or a clear understanding of the application of the skill being worked on, it is possible to develop players who are excellent at training but struggle to play the game. Just like in the classroom, information and skills learned are most effective and useful when applied to their required use when it really matters (in real life).

In contrast, there are players that in training seem to struggle, but when the game starts, they are able to play at a higher level than expected. They may not be as technical on the ball or physically good as we think they should be, but when they step into a game, the player can find ways to be successful and very effective in helping his team. On an evaluation, a coach may have a slew of areas the player needs to improve on, maybe a lot more than other players, but at the same time, the player seems to be more successful than a player who would rate better on a written evaluation.

This type of player shows a clear understanding of several important things:

1. His own strengths and weaknesses. He understands how to play towards his strengths and hide his weaknesses.
2. The game. Really understanding nuances of the game, the critical points, that allow the player to make exceptional decisions and anticipate the game.
3. Competitive spirit. Let’s face it. Some players are better because they just want it more.

The larger point is that all players are deficient in some skill areas comparatively to other players, but that may have little impact on their level of play. Despite not being as strong in some areas as other players, their “total game”, or their ability to be effective in games, is much higher than players who have considerable better technical or physical abilities.

Again, the real “evaluation” or the only “test” that really matters in determining a player’s level is how they do when the whistle blows. I have always been one who believes in player evaluations and feedback, but when we cut through all of the fog of player development and determining a player’s level of play, the only true evaluation is the game. The game is the only real measure of a player’s level of play.

The game is not biased, it is not political, it has no self-interests, and does not care about getting phone calls or emails from parents. The game will always be the most honest person with any player about what they are and are not able to do. Simply, either you can play or you cannot play.

When training, keep this in mind. Your goal, whether on your own, with your coach, or with some friends, is to get better at playing the game. Find ways to train yourself to be more effective in a game, when it counts.

Skills are necessary, juggling is important to improve your touch, YouTube is fun, but the game cares very little about how many “views” your last video post received, how many times you can juggle, or how crazy your skill moves look. It will only ask you one simple questions once the whistle blows… Can you play?

Control Defined

Coaches talk to players a lot about their control of the ball and how to improve it. It is probably one of the most common things a player gets feedback on during training and games. “Better first touch” or “keep it close” are both examples of what a player might hear from a coach when the ball gets too far from the body and possession is lost. The coaches want the players to keep the ball closer to the body so they can protect it from defenders, while at the same time, be able to execute their next decision on the ball. With that said, is that really all that “control” is when it comes to handling the ball during a game? It is just keeping the ball close to the body? Yes, these are parts of what control of the ball entails, but it is not the complete picture. So, let’s define control….

Control is defined as “the power to influence or direct.” Throughout the game, a player’s ability to influence and direct the ball is the foundation of being able to play this game. So, control is not just keeping the ball close to the body. No, a player who has real control of the ball, can make it do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and wherever he wants.

A player with great control is a player who can consistently have the ball react to the body exactly how the player anticipated. If the player wanted to go left, the player went left. He wants his touch on the dribble to move the ball three yards from him, the ball moves three yards or somewhere very close. With any part of the body the player can legally use in the game, the player can direct and influence the ball to do exactly what was intended with little need for corrective touches or adjustments.

When we talk to players about “controlling” the ball, it cannot only be in the context of keeping the ball close to the body. It needs to be applied to every aspect of the game. Whether it is dribbling, passing, finishing, or trapping the ball, the player must have that element of control.

Dribbling does not just require a player to keep the ball close to the body when moving with it. Instead, dribbling requires the player to be able to make contact with the ball with the appropriate part of the foot, on the correct part of the ball, with the proper weight, and at the right time in order to successfully maneuver the ball around pressure and into space. The slightest miscalculation in any of those areas usually results in a loss of possession or a lost opportunity due to the player needing extra touches or time to get where he wanted to go.

When you watch a player handle the ball, does it look like he knows where the ball is about to go or does the player look like they are reacting to every touch? In other words, do they look surprised by the direction or distance of their touch? A player with good control is confident in where he is directing the ball with each touch. Whether he is trapping the ball, passing the ball, finishing, or dribbling, the touch taken on the ball looks intentional and with purpose.

Keeping the ball close is also not always the goal for a player. There are times in the game when a larger touch on the dribble ,or with the first touch, is needed to get away from pressure or quickly move forward into space. If a player is running with the ball, and has plenty of space, the player is faster the less number of times the player needs to touch the ball while running. The player needs to manage the distance of each touch to make sure nobody else can get to the ball before he does, but a touch may need to be farther from the body to allow the player to accelerate faster into the space before the defender can get there.

When a player receives the ball, to keep it close to the body may hurt the player’s ability to keep the ball. It could trap the player in pressure making it easier for a defender to close the player down. It is necessary in the game to be able to take a first touch away from the body into space versus keeping it close when appropriate. This allows the player to escape pressure or take advantage of space before the defender can close him down.

In both of these situations, the player must be able to direct and influence the ball to determine where it will go next. A miscalculated touch a little too far right or left, too soft or too hard, can quickly cause the player to lose possession of the ball. The more control players have of the ball, their influence and direction of each touch, the more likely they will have success.

Control is directly related to a player's ability to strike the ball to pass or finish from close or farther distances. A player with great control knows how hard and where to hit the ball to get the desired result of the strike. By using the correct part of the foot and proper follow through, the player can get the correct pace and texture to the strike. All of this is “control” because it is the player’s ability to influence and direct the ball. Players with great control are usually tremendous at passing and finishing, especially in regards to putting different types of spin and loft on their strikes.

Control of the ball directly correlates with a player’s ability to control the body. With great body control and positioning, the player puts himself into a better situation to get the desired contact with the ball. When a player is off-balance or out of position, it is difficult to get the necessary touch on the ball. This is why foot speed, agility, and coordination work is important for players in training. When players are deficient in these developmental areas, it is harder for them to be successful with the ball. Improved body awareness gives the player the ability to control how they are making an impact with the ball. Being able to direct and influence the body allows the player to more easily direct and influence the ball.

Again, control is not only keeping the ball close to the body. A player can trap a ball or dribble with it close to the body and still have a considerable lack of control of the ball. Control is about total influence and direction of each touch on the ball. A player with great control has few limitations to what he can make the ball do. As a result of that control, they not only can influence and direct the ball, they tend to be the players that can influence and direct the outcomes of games.

Change is Coming

In Ohio, most teams are winding down their spring season and have tryouts approaching at the beginning of June to select teams for the Fall season. Tryout time is an anxious time to begin with, but this year will add a new level of anxiety and uncertainty with many of the changes taking place for next season. With the change to move to birth year to organize teams and a change in platform for many age groups (4v4, 7v7, and 9v9), there will be some significant differences next year for players, coaches, and parents.

Now, this article is not about taking a position, arguing in favor or against any of these changes. There are plenty of articles and information about that, and I would be adding nothing new to the discussion on whether or not there is validity and/or need for the changes. What I want to focus on is something more important, and what all of us should be really directing our attention to in preparation for the changing landscape of the youth soccer experience.

In my view, coaches and parents have a tremendous opportunity with the upcoming season, and it is an opportunity that is critical for each child’s development so we need to take full advantage. Change is a part of life, and with change often comes a lot of frustration, fear, discomfort and uncertainty. It often drags us, kicking and screaming, into a foreign place where we do not think we will be happy or want to be. Although, if we look hard enough and adjust our attitude, it is in these moments that we find significant opportunities for growth in character, perseverance, and ability.

Every coach and parent should not be looking at the coming changes through the lens of fear wondering how this will negatively affect their child or players. Instead, we should be guiding and preparing the players on how to properly handle the upcoming changes in a way that will help them be better… not bitter.

We have a “teaching moment” ahead of us that we can use with the players affected by the change. A moment that does not come around often. Although most kids wish things would stay the same and their teams would stay together, it not a reality of next season (or life). The life lesson that this situation can be used to teach is a powerful one, and maybe one of the most important for kids to learn. When change occurs that they are not happy about, which will happen often in their lives, how will they respond? Will they get bitter and complain about fairness, try to find loopholes, or ways to prevent the change from happening or letting it affect them, OR will they be able to respond in a better way… a more positive way, the way we hope they will respond to similar situations later in life (when it is much more important).

It is fine not to be happy about the change, or change in general, as there are many times change happens that we wholeheartedly disagree with. Dealing positively with change is not avoiding it or ignoring it. Dealing positively with change is analyzing it, and understanding how it will affect you, and what you need to do to NOT let it stop you from continuing down the path to your goals. Again, change will move us out of our comfort zone, whether we like it or not, forcing us to adapt, learn and develop new skills to deal with the change. But, the consistent “silver lining” is those new skills learned stay with us once we have weathered the adjustment, and we are better for it.

For younger kids, this can be an opportunity to help them prepare for situations they will have to deal with as they get older. If the family moves to a different city, the player will be more comfortable playing with a new team and making new friends. When a player goes to high school, it will make the transition of playing with older players and in a new environment easier. For those who play soccer in college, there will be less fear and discomfort when confronted with the most challenging playing environment experience up to that point.

All of these are moments of change for youth players. The “small” changes coming up this year can begin to help players learn how to deal with the bigger changes coming their way in the future, both on, and off the field.

As kids head into this tryout season, we need to help them look ahead with uncertain optimism. Not being completely sure how everything will end up next season or how the players will be affected is ok as long as the players understand how to deal with the change and focus solely on the things they can control. They need to see the upcoming changes as an opportunity to be challenged as a player and person, an opportunity to play in a different environment with new players, and opportunity to make new friends, opportunity to learn ways of playing the game, and an opportunity to learn how to deal with change.

Our primary responsibility as parents and coaches is to guide our kids and teach them how to do that. It is not to get upset for them or try to shelter them from it.

Change is coming… there is no stopping it now. How we react to and handle the situation as adults will impact how the kids handle this change and learn how to manage change positively in the future. Do not miss this opportunity, an important “teaching moment, that does not come around often. Make this moment about helping your kids learn valuable lessons and life skills. Do not make it about short-term, unimportant things, that really will have little effect on the rest of their lives.

A Letter to Me

Dear Tony,

Hey, it’s me (or you), Tony, 12 years from now. Yea, this is going to be a little strange, but bear with me. You are probably getting ready for your first practice of the first team you get to coach, the Grandview Middle School boy’s soccer team. Take a quick break from planning your session for their first practice to read this letter.

Also, on a side note, you are going to get lost on the way to training and miss it anyway, so you would be better off getting a head start on the apology note to the players and parents you will need to write...ok back to why I am writing this letter.

Well, you are not going to believe this, but this “coaching” thing becomes a little serious in the future for you. Although you are studying to be a teacher, which will come in handy, you will only spend a couple years in the school system. No, you do not get fired, but you make a pretty gutsy decision to leave the classroom for the soccer field (a bigger classroom).

Now, I want to give you a few quick tips to prepare you for the path you are going take. Don’t worry. You made a good decision, but I want to share some things I have learned over the past 12 years with you that are important to know.

Learn as much as you can about the players you coach.

You will continue to study and learn more about the game and new coaching methods, but it is the knowledge about the kids you are working with that will be your biggest asset and make you a better coach. In show business, it is often said, “Know your audience.” This is true in coaching as well. “What” and “how” you are coaching are only as good as they are appropriate for your audience (the players). You will design fantastic sessions that will fail, in epic fashion, because they were not appropriate for the kids of that age or level. You will get mad and blame it on the kids, but with experience and moderate wisdom, you will realize it is your fault, not theirs.

Parents are your ally.

You will be around a lot of coaches who tell “horror stories” about parents and their involvement in their child’s soccer experience. While some are true, and you will witness some firsthand, the vast majority of parents want to do what is best for their kid and support you as a coach. Do not let a rare few paint the entire group in a negative light. You will learn very quickly that your job is much easier, and enjoyable, the more you engage parents in the process. Communicate, communicate, and communicate…. and when you are done...communicate some more. Have the tough conversations, do not leave things open to interpretation, seek feedback, provide feedback, agree to disagree respectfully, and be open minded. You will become a parent one day, and when you look at your daughter, and get the sense she is even slightly being mistreated, you will understand where a concerned parent is coming from. Lastly, even the parents you will never find common ground with are the ones you will learn the most about yourself and your coaching philosophy.

Make it fun.

You will find as an adult you have a different agenda than the kids when you arrive at training. You will be overly serious about getting things done a very specific way, and expect each player to be focused on getting better, winning, and having success. Yes, you will want players to be focused, get better, and be successful, but making the game too serious too fast will do the exact opposite. Do not forget what you were thinking about when you arrived at training as a player. Did you really show up and say, “Today I am going to improve my first touch and ability to pass and move.”

No, you did not. Sorry, you cannot lie to yourself. When you showed up, you were just excited to see your friends and get to play. You were lucky to have coaches who made the game fun and taught you how to play the game. It is going to take you some time to remember that because you want to be the best coach you can be, but once you do, you will find the kids will respond much better to your coaching style, have more fun, learn more, and have more success. They are there to have fun. It is why they signed up to play to begin with...just like you.

It is a game. Make sure you keep it a game, and not make it into a job for them. Your goals are different than their goals, and most are not overly serious about the game. Remember, you always played because it was fun, and it never really got “serious” until you were in high school.

By the way, I know you think you want to coach in college one day. Turns out, with this slight change in approach, your favorite age groups to coach will be the younger players. Sorry for the bad news, but look on the bright side. If you do your job well, you are going to help a lot of players stay in the game long enough to get to college one day.

Learn, but don’t copy.

You do a great job seeking out other coaches to observe in order to learn new coaching methods and training activities. You will attend conventions and coaching schools, spend a lot of time on YouTube, and all will be an invaluable resource for your development as a coach. Make sure you never stop doing that!

BUT… here is something you will learn overtime. Learn from the great coaches around you, but do not try to BE the great coaches around you. By trying to do things the way they do them, to coach the way they coach, talk the way they talk, you will become frustrated and fail. Do not copy what you see, instead, adapt it to the type of coach you want to be and the players you are working with. By doing that, you can take what is great about every coach and use it in a way that works for you. You are unique in your style, like all coaches, so you need to do more than just see and copy. You must see, dissect, question, build, adapt, and integrate into your pedagogy.

Evolve...changing your mind is ok.

It shows wisdom, not uncertainty, to change your mind as you gain more knowledge and information about the world around you. In time, those whom you were impressed with by their ability to “stand their ground” will seem more ignorant and intolerant to change, child-like in many ways, than being confident and an expert in their field. Although, always be in awe of those who stand by principle based on current information and will do what is right in the face of adversity without a consensus of the masses. Be weary of the , “back in my day” people who refuse to accept new information that proves the old way maybe was not that great, or really never worked.

You will stand strong on a lot of issues, and then come to many crossroads where you can stay on your current path, stubbornly, ignoring what you have learned, or you will choose to do what is hard, and adjust your approach in light of what you know, admit you were wrong, and change course. To be honest, you will be stubborn at times and take the wrong course of action, but your proudest and toughest moments of your coaching career will be when you evolve. Changing your mind is ok. Do it often. As soon as you stop changing your mind, it means you have stopped thinking. If you stop thinking, you will no longer be an effective coach.

One last thing…

Remember that bitter is one letter away from better. Things will not always go your way, and you will be frustrated often about what you see happening around you in the youth soccer world. You will want to scream at the rain and punch at the wind when you see what some people deem important and unimportant. You will feel like you are making progress by impacting the game and culture in a positive way, and then you will witness actions of coaches, parents, and those entrusted with governing youth sports that make you seriously doubt that real, lasting change, is even possible. You will struggle with being bitter or being better. If you really want to make a difference always choose to be better, not bitter. By doing that, you can do your very small part to make the game you love something others can love as well. You really like quotes, so always remember one of your favorites:

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world;

indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” - Mead

You are lucky enough to work with such a group of people, so take advantage of the opportunity.

All the best,

Future Tony

P.S. - You are not going to believe this, but you still live in Ohio.