When successful people are studied, sometimes I think there is something that we miss. It is something that is glazed over as a “natural” part of the process of achieving their level of skill or rising to that level of success. We see these people as special or different than most, but we tell kids that if they work hard they can achieve the same things in life or in sports. Although I agree with this sentiment, and it is a good thing to encourage kids to work hard, at the same time, I believe that is also not true to some degree. By working hard, you will have a certain level of success and do better than if you did not work hard or even try, but to achieve success at an elite level, at anything, takes a very UNCOMMON type of effort that the majority of us are just not willing give.
Often hard work is mistaken for just trying or giving more effort than a person normally would in a given situation or over time. When most of us feel that we have “worked hard,” we really have not scratched the surface of how hard we need to work to reach an elite level on that particular task or towards our goal. Working hard at that level is an extremely uncomfortable state to be in most of the time, and most of us cannot tolerate the discomfort for long enough to get to that next level, a level beyond where we are currently comfortable.
On top of this, we have a misconception that hard work usually comes with instant gratification or rewards. We put in effort and immediately expect some type of reward or tangible item to show for the effort spent. Unfortunately, the harder the task, the less of a “reward” a person will see through the process. That is until the person has worked hard enough, for long enough, that the reward is actualized and another level of success has been achieved. On average, most of us quit way to early due to the first set back or stumble.
Many of us work hard to try to impress a coach, teammate, parent, friend, teacher, or boss, but those who really work hard never do it to try to impress anyone. Really, they just do not know any other way of doing things. It is what is necessary, so it becomes the norm for them. Although it is foreign, uncomfortable, and hard for us to do, and may even seem slightly excessive, for this type of individual, it is just their standard mode of operation. At some point, what we may consider as pain and discomfort, they find soothing and reassuring to what they are working towards. Maybe because they understand those are the indications they are heading in the right direction towards what they want to achieve? They know without the pain and discomfort they will never get to where they want to be, and for them, that result, would be intolerable. It would be a higher cost than the sacrifice needed to get there.
For these reasons, we cannot mistake effort for an uncommon effort and expect the same results. It is just not possible, and it is a mistake we often make. We ask ourselves and others to work hard to achieve great things, but we do not expect a necessary level of commitment to that hard work that is required to achieve great things. This is a key distinction that we need to make with kids.
When we tell kids that if they work hard they can do better on the soccer field, are we clearly defining what we mean by that? What are their goals and how hard will they need to work to achieve them? If we tell a player to work hard all season and he will earn more playing time, or move up a team, in a way, we can be setting that player up to fail. Why? Because we are not clearly showing the player what “working hard” means to achieve what he wants. The idea of working hard is different for each person, and his definition, or belief about what is required, could be way below what is actually required. While this player may see his hard work as enough, the other players he is competing against may consider that level of effort to be minimal. Thus, the player could be working hard by his definition, but not doing nearly enough to really help him overcome the obstacles ahead or surpass his competition.
As mentioned above, working hard will look and feel different for each player. What one player sees as working hard, another player could see as barely working at all or possibly working way too hard. Working hard is subjective, and how each person perceives that is different. This is a major reason for a difference in the level of success of players on the field (and off the field). Some players will just work harder than others, for longer, and see greater results and achieve more. Not all players will fit this mold, and that is ok. It is unreasonable to think that everyone will push themselves to the same level, and that is why a small percentage of players work their way to up to the top… a very small percentage. It is probably the same percentage of players who are willing to work at an uncommon level of effort to achieve an uncommon level of success.
Here is a quick story to illustrate my point… a mom of a player I had the pleasure of coaching called me very concerned one day. She told me her son is spending hours in the backyard each day with the soccer ball. He would just go in the back yard and then come into the house dripping with sweat after a couple of hours of working with the ball (juggling, dribbling, and passing against the side of the house). She was concerned about if it was too much for him, if it was safe for him to do that? I asked her if she was encouraging him or rewarding him somehow to get him to do that. She said no. In fact, she was trying to get him to come in the house and do other things, but he refused.
I told her to keep an eye on him to make sure he is not doing anything that can put himself in danger (not taking needed breaks or drinking enough water), but if he is doing that on his own free will then I would not be concerned. If he seems happy and is motivated to do that on his own, as long as it does not negatively affect other key areas of his life (with the understanding there is always some level of sacrifice), he will be fine.
This player in training, and obviously on his own, practiced with a very uncommon level of effort on a consistent basis. I know I did not train and practice to that degree, but I felt I worked hard as a player. But my level of working hard was not even close to this player’s effort. It was a completely different commitment level to the goal of getting better.
Over the years, this player was seen by many as a “special talent” as he was growing into an elite player. What people did not see is the amount of work he put in on his own and in training that others were not willing. For me, this is what made him “special” or uncommon. While others saw it as just a natural progression of a player born to play the game, I saw nothing natural about the progression as it was only possible due to his unnatural effort.
This player was recently signed by an MLS team and I am sure will continue to grow as a player, not because he is just that good, but because he is willing to work hard enough to be that good. Like other players at that level, they did not get their by chance or good fortune (even though we may like to believe so as it helps us feel better about it).
If we want to be honest with our kids, with the players we coach, we need to make sure we do not just point to elite athletes or very successful people and just say, “If you work hard, you can do the same thing.” Simply, that is not true. We are setting them up to fail. If we point to those people and really show a kid or a player what that person had to do to achieve what they achieved, then the player can make an honest assessment on whether or not they want to walk that same, very difficult, but fruitful, path to that elite level of success.
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