Thought Process

When watching a game, I often wonder what players are thinking when the ball is coming towards them or upon receiving the ball. Are they nervous? Are they just excited to get to touch the ball and be part of the play? But most importantly, I am curious about what they plan to do with the ball and why. Although the thought process in making a decision with the ball has to happen in a fraction of a second, and in reality, becomes more of an instinctive reaction over time, there are things that should be considered by the player before making a decision.

The following is what I like players to consider when gaining possession of the ball. As one option is determined unavailable, the player should move to the next option. Too often, players do not consider some of these and opportunities to score or move the ball forward are lost, or possession is lost because they try something that is not available.

Can I score?

Too often, players do not utilize situations to score because they did not even consider scoring as an option. This is the point of the game! One team is trying to score on the other team. Sometimes that might be missed when focusing on so many other aspects of the game, but it should be the first question and thought each time the player gets the ball.

More often than not, the answer is "no" depending on the distance, angle, and number of defenders between the player with the ball and the goal. But, when the answer is "YES," and the player is in a position to take a shot on goal, I ALWAYS want the player to take that chance. Players should be hungry and excited to score goals. I want players who are confident enough to take the responsibility to try to put the ball in the goal.

Upon receiving the ball, a player’s first thought should be, “Do I have a chance to score?”

Can I set a teammate up to score?

The next best thing to scoring a goal is setting up a teammate to score a goal! If the player with the ball cannot score, or feels there is another player in a better position to score (closer to goal for an easy tap in), the player should try to get the ball to the player who is in position to score.

This is a tricky one because some players will skip the first question (Can I score?) to try to set up another player. The player will try to make the extra pass and it is intercepted or the player receiving the ball does not have a better opportunity and misses. It is a great feeling to set up another player to score, but a player should not use that as an excuse to avoid shooting when given the opportunity.

Can I pass the ball forward or dribble forward?

Ok, so if you cannot score or set someone else up to score, your next option would be to try to move the ball forward to get closer to the opponents goal. If the player recognizes it quick enough, there should be an opportunity to dribble forward into space or pass the ball forward to a teammate to advance the ball up field. Too often, players will play the ball negative (backwards) when they have the space and time to move the ball forward, or not move anywhere with the ball at all.

Can I change the point of attack (switch the field)?

If you cannot go forward, the next best option is to try to switch the field or change the point of attack, moving the ball diagonally across the field. Normally, this is where the most space can be found on the field... away from the ball. Defenders are taught to collapse on the ball and make the field small. When the ball is moved quickly out of pressure across the field, it forces the defending team to quickly shift to get in a better defensive shape which usually opens up gaps between the defenders. If the ball is switched fast enough, the player receiving the ball should have time and space to attack forward.

Can I play backwards?

If none of the above options are available, then the ball needs to be played backwards to relieve pressure and keep possession. Normally if the defensive team has done a good job of quickly taking away all the above options, it will force the player on the ball to play the ball backwards away from goal. Outside of winning the ball, that is the next best thing for the defending team.

Although not ideal for the attacking team, it is the smart thing to do as it allows the team to keep possession instead of forcing the ball into pressure and turning it over. By playing backwards, the team maintains possession and can look for space in another area of the field to play into and move forward.

Protect the Ball/Shield

If a player receives a ball under so much pressure that none of the above options are available right away, the player needs to use their body and protect the ball (shield) until one of the above options becomes available. This is an area that many players struggle with. When under pressure, players tend to panic and just kick the ball away or force the ball into a defender and hope they can "muscle" past the defender.

Instead, by inserting the body between the defender and the ball, it keeps the ball out of the defender’s reach and forces the defender to go around the body to try to get it. When the defender does this, space will open up giving the player on the ball an option to turn or move away from the pressure. If the defender tries to go through the body, that is normally whistled a foul, and the team gets a free kick to keep possession and restart an attack.

...the decisions above are made in a fraction of a second when the player gains possession of the ball. The more aware the player is of the game situation before the ball arrives, the more likely the player will make the best decision possible upon gaining possession. It is when the player is not aware of what is happening that opportunities are missed because the player did not see it in time.

For players to have this type of thought process it takes a lot of reinforcement in training and activities that promote players to think in these terms. For all possession activities, there should be a way to score so players are always thinking about trying to score. Also, having direction in your possession games allows players to think more often in these terms as well as trying to keep possession (but with more purpose). The coach needs to encourage players to take shots when they have the opportunity to score, move the ball forward when there is space, and help them recognize when it is necessary to switch the point of attack or play backwards to maintain possession.

This will be slightly different in certain types of formations and systems of play, and decisions in the game are more complicated than these questions at times. The goal of this list is to break down the decision making into the simplest form and give players a base to work off of when playing the game. Again, in short, the thought process:

• Can I score?
• Can I set someone up to score?
• Can I go forward?
• Can I change the point of attack?
• Can I go backwards?
• Can I protect the ball until an option is created?

Thankful on Thanksgiving

This time of year it is easy to look back on everything I have done since this time last year. I always find myself asking what if I did this or what if I did that, and thinking about whether or not I took advantage of each moment and opportunity I was fortunate to have over the course of the year. I would like to think I did, but I know I left a lot on the table and there was more I could have done. Although it is good to recognize those moments, I think it is more fruitful to see what worked, what went well, and to try to recreate those chances again this coming year and moving forward. On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all the parents who trust me to coach their child and be part of their soccer experience. I am thankful for the opportunity and privilege to teach and learn from aspiring young people who love to play the beautiful game.

When parents bring kids into SuperKick for training, I know they are silently saying to the coaches and myself, “I trust you to help my child learn and love the game.” As a father now, I have a deeper appreciation for the trust instilled in others who interact with kids. All parents want the best for their child, and part of any person’s life are the people who they interact with on a consistent basis who will have an impact on the person they grow up to be. Although I will not know what kind of impact I had on the players I coach until years from now, I hope I had a small role in helping them grow into great people who like to play soccer. I know when a parent brings their child in to train with me that is their expectation, and it should be. So, I am thankful to all the parents who allow me to teach their kids.

During the time I get to spend teaching a player the things they need to know to improve their soccer skills, I know the players are teaching me how to be a better teacher. Coaching courses, articles, and the endless amounts of information found on the internet are all helpful when trying to improve as a coach, but it is the interaction and conversations I have with players over the years that usually alter my coaching philosophy and approach to teaching the game. As an adult, my perspective of what I do is always skewed slightly by the compiling years of my age. How I see my actions and words is completely different from how a child may interpret them. As cliché as it may sound, I know I learn just as much, if not more from the kids I get to coach each week, as they do from me. The players have always been the ones who have helped me aspire to be a better coach. So, I am thankful for all the players have taught me over the years and keep pushing me to do my job better.

It has been almost 11 years I have been coaching at SuperKick. For 11 years, I have been fortunate enough to work with players of all different age groups and ability levels. All with different goals and aspirations, but they all wanted to get better and learn more about the game. Whether individually or in classes, the kids show up and they are ready to work hard to learn. I think about the coach I was 8 years ago and I do not even recognize him. I wish I could go back in time and tell him to do things differently, just as the coach from 8 years from now will want to do. Being in this environment and working with so many different types of players, has given me a unique opportunity to learn and develop as a coach. With each player brought different challenges for me and opportunities to learn and grow. So, I am thankful for the variety of players I get to work with at SuperKick and all the unique experiences that come with that.

I am thankful for the change I am beginning to see at the soccer fields. Watching practices and games, there seems to be a slowly moving shift towards doing things that are in the best interest of the players by the coaches and the parents. Although it is the negative events that get the most attention, I think watching a game or practice now, compared to 5 years ago, there is a stark contrast to the typical coach or parent behavior. For me, this means that the messages from those who are pushing a new approach to the game are starting to get through. I am an avid follower of Changing the Game, Proactive Coaching, and Dr. Alan Goldburg’s Competitive Advantage as they all constantly sharing great ideas and insights into how to best serve the kids. The information has proven invaluable to me as a coach, and it seems that the message is getting across to more. Real change takes time, and is a painful process, but continuing down this path will help establish an incredible playing and developmental environment for current and future aspiring players. So, I am thankful to all of those coaches and parents out there who are choosing what is right over what is popular, and often taking the more difficult path because they know it is better for the kids.

Finally, it is a great time to remember how fortunate we all are to get to watch our kids do the things they love to do. There are many parents out there who lose that chance or never get that chance… for many reasons. They will never get the chance to bring their child to practice or a game. They will never get the chance to sit on the sideline and watch their child play and run around. They will never get the chance to share in their successes or comfort them when they have failed. They will never get the chance to hug them and tell them, “I love to watch you play.”

From my family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!

It is My Kid

Over the years, I had many conversations about coaching and yelling at players from the sideline with parents. I think deep down, most parents understand the reasons behind why yelling at and coaching players from the sideline during games is not beneficial for the player. In principle and theory, the majority of parents are on board, but things change for some when we talk specifically about their child. When it comes to their child, the line between right and wrong with sideline behavior begins to get a little blurry. Although often not “over the top” in nature, with it being their child, the parent feels a little more at liberty to communicate with them during the game.

I believe parents do this with good intentions and are deep down trying to help their child. Parents, rightfully so, always want to see their children do well and succeed. With that in mind, a parent will react and do what they feel is necessary to give their child “assistance” when needed that can help them be successful. Obviously the behavior is not malicious in nature, most of the time, so these parents are not intentionally trying to negatively affect the game experience for their child. In their mind, their comments are “encouraging” and helping their child “understand” what they should be doing. They are just helping the coach out, right?

The parents will say, “It is my kid. I know what my child needs and what motivates them to do his best.” This is true. Parents do know their kids very well and there are a lot of things coaches can learn about kids from their parents. With said, it still does not make the behavior appropriate from the sideline and it does not help the player in that particular time and situation. Even for a coach’s comments and corrections to be meaningful, they have to be delivered at the right time in the proper manner to be useful (not distracting) for the player. It is not just parents, but coaches are encouraged NOT to joystick coach as it does not help the players (like parents, plenty of coaches still do).

Here are a couple of things to think about when you "only yell at my kid during games."

1. Yes, it is your child and you have the right to say what you want to them, but understand that there is nothing, NOTHING, no research or findings, that shows yelling at your kid helps them improve their play. In fact, most research points to an adverse effect to their level of play and enjoyment. Telling kids what to do and yelling at them to try to do it faster or better is contrary to all learning and development theories out there used by the top educators and coaches around the world. First, telling a kid to do something is not teaching them how to do it. All the kid is doing is responding to what you are saying by doing what is asked. The player did not do it because he knew it to be right. The player was not given the chance to recognize and understand the situation that called for an action and respond to it. Second, adding additional pressure to stressful moments is not an ideal way to get a person to perform at a peak level. Players need to learn how to deal with the challenges of the games on their own and respond to those challenges accordingly. External pressure from a parent, or a coach, just increases anxiety of a player. A rise in anxiety creates uncertainty and doubt and reduces the player’s ability to perform.
2. It is naive to think that your yelling and comments do not have an effect on the other players on the field. Although you are "talking" to your child, and you feel you have that right, you DO NOT have the right to affect the playing environment and experience of the other kids on the field. If you do not think that is the case, yell at your child in the middle of a grocery store and see if everyone around you seems unfazed by your actions. In economics, there is something called the Tragedy of the Commons. In general, this is when “individuals, acting independently and rationally according to each one's self-interest, behave contrary to the whole group's long-term best interests.” This is how I feel many parents on the sideline operate. Individual parents will act in a way they feel is in the best interest of their child, but in the end is not in the best interest of the entire group, especially the players on the field and other parents trying to enjoy the game. In the interest of doing what is best for their child, a parent will have a negative effect on the rest of the group.
3. Your child does not like it. Think about that for a second. Not only is your yelling inappropriate and not helping your child, your child does not like it. In fact, it probably makes them uncomfortable. As they get older, it will become worse as their teammates will soon let your child know they do not care for your comments either, which will affect your child's relationship with their teammates. Now, most parents would not knowingly do something over and over to their kids that A) is not beneficial, B) your child does not like, and C) will create problems with their friends. I do not think I have ever heard of a player thanking a parent for all the screaming and instructions during the game while leaving the field. If it was helpful and the player benefited from it, I think the player would show his appreciation for all your attention and effort on the sideline. I know for me, I was just happy that my parents were at the game. I loved that they loved watching me play, and I NEVER heard them from the sideline.

So... yes, it is YOUR KID. And I know you want to do what is best for your child, but I promise you, yelling at your child during games from the sideline is not what is best. Although it may not seem like it, over time, the constant yelling and instructions could be a major factor in your child giving up the game. If you want to help your child, make sure he knows you love to watch him play, and you will ALWAYS be there to support his efforts.

Cheer for More

At the soccer field, you probably hear the loudest cheers and yells when a goal is scored. All goals should be celebrated, and parents should let the kids know how proud they are of all their efforts that resulted in a goal. Scoring goals is one of the hardest things to do in the game, and it gets harder as players get older, and it is the moment of the game that all the near misses, great plays, and hard work lead up to for the team. When a goal is scored, it allows everyone to unleash all the emotion that has been bottled up waiting for that goal to come.

Are there other things that coaches and parents can cheer? There are a lot of things that need to happen to lead up to a goal. A tremendous amount of effort and outstanding play, both individually and by the entire team), occur throughout the entire game. There are moments we are missing that deserve as much, if not more, applaud and cheer from the sideline. This is especially true for the youngest age groups who are just learning to play the game. Developmentally there are many things the coaches want the players to attempt during the game, many of them are risky, and that often do not get much attention.

If we could recognize and celebrate the moments below more frequently, it would give players more motivation to do the things in the game that are beneficial to their development and the success of the team. If players know they will be recognized for the following actions, like when a goal is scored, they will be more likely to try to repeat those actions. Cheer for goals, cheer loudly when someone scores, but let’s get out of our chair and clap for the other important moments in the game.

1) Consecutive Passes – Have you ever counted how many times your child’s team connects more than a couple passes together? It is rarer than you think to see a team connect five or more passes together in a row without losing possession. When teams are able to string together more than just a couple passes and keep possession, moving the ball from one side of the field to the other, poking and prodding the other team’s defense looking for ways to get to goal, it should be something celebrated. Seeing a youth team do this is probably rarer than a goal being scored. Next time your team connects more than five passes, let the kids hear you on the sideline! Let the kids know you recognized the very difficult task they just accomplished as a group.

2) Successfully Playing out of the Back – Normally when a goalkeeper or field player gets the ball around their own goal the immediate reaction is to kick it away, out of bounds or up field, immediately without much thought or attempt to look at another option. It is something special to watch a player get a ball under pressure, around the goal, and with poise and confidence, keep possession of the ball by dribbling or passing out of pressure, or a goalkeeper to pass the ball to a teammate versus just punting it up field. It is an incredible risk, but a much higher level of play. This is what we want out of our players when they play the game. We want great confidence and control on the ball, and we want them to remain calm, not panic, and find solutions to problems. When you see a player, start an attack out of the defensive end of the field near the goal, especially under pressure; make sure that player is recognized for that level of play.

3) Courage and Creativity on the Dribble – This is a great one, and I have seen this happen more and more at the soccer field and it is a fantastic thing for players. Great coaches ask their players to try skill moves in games and to take players on with the soccer ball. At the younger age groups, it is instills confidence in players to have the ball at their feet, not panic under pressure, and be willing to be creative and courageous on the ball. When you see a player perform a skill move on the ball, taking a player on 1v1 or trying to protect the ball to keep possession, cheer for them when they do it. I have seen kids’ faces light up with joy when they do a step over and the parents cheer for them. The players get excited to try it again, and again, and the player’s confidence grows. The player is rewarded for trying something that is difficult, and could cause them to lose the ball, during a game. It helps players use the skills worked on in practice in games because the parents and coaches are saying, “It is safe to work on those skills here too!”

4) Movement or Run that Creates Space for Teammate – This is the most unrewarded, but very important, aspects of the game for players. In order to build an attack, create space to play through to get to goal, the movement of players off the ball has to be consistent and well-timed. We often think of moving off the ball to be able to receive the ball from a teammate. Yes, this is one type of movement, but moving off the ball to create space for someone else to receive a pass is an even higher level of movement. Many people miss this, as the player moving to create space for another player, does not get the ball and is not directly involved in the play. It is an “off the ball” skill in a game that is very important for the team to have success moving the ball up field. This might be harder to see, but when you do, make sure you let that player know you saw what their effort created!

5) Sprinting Back to Cover for Teammate – When teams attack, they commit players forward to create numbers up situations around the goal. A defender or midfielder can get caught up field trying to support the attack when possession is lost. Many players will stand and not recover when there is a turn over, but some players will immediately sprint back to help defend, and at times, work back into areas of the field that should be covered by another player. The recovering player will recognize his teammate is too far up the field and will not be able to recover in time, so the player recovers back for the player out of position. Instead of saying, “that is not my responsibility”, the player makes it his responsibility to help the player who cannot get back and the team keep a good defensive shape. Again, an act that often goes unrecognized, but should be applauded from the sideline.

6) Saves by Goalkeeper – Goalkeeper is an incredibly difficult and unrewarding position. A lot of the good things they do go unrecognized, but their mistakes are very public and costly. Throughout a game, a goalkeeper does a lot, even when they are not making saves, to prevent the other team from scoring goals. A lot of this is their communication and organization of their back-line, coming off their line and cleaning up balls served over the top and into the goal area, and starting the attack when they get the ball. When a goalkeeper is called on to make a save, it is expected a save is made. There is not a lot of praise when the goalkeeper stops the ball from going into the goal, but plenty of constructive criticism when a goal is allowed. Even “routine” saves, are very difficult, although goalkeepers make them look easy, and those moments should be cheered and celebrated. It does not have to be a diving save, tipping the ball over the bar, on a shot heading for the upper corner of the goal. All saves are crucial for a team to have a chance of being successful. As the least understood position on the field, a lot goes into every save a goalkeeper makes and it is time to recognize it!

7) Incredible Sportsmanship – In a time when you often see the “bad side” of sports on Sports Center or your local leagues, seeing great sportsmanship during a match is becoming a rare occurrence. Games, where there should be healthy competition, can quickly turn into a disappointing display of disrespect among the players on the field. It seems it is hard for players to compete, aggressively with one another, without it becoming a personal conflict between the players. When a player demonstrates sportsmanship and class on the field, especially in situations when it is hard, that behavior should be reinforced by the crowd with thunderous applaud. I have seen players correct a referee’s call saying, “No, that was out on me. It is their ball.” I have seen players help a player up who they knocked down and fouled. I have even seen a player who was fouled get up, and say, “No worries, just part of the game.” It seems strange, but great sportsmanship like this allows players to compete hard and learn how to react positively to negative situations in the game. It is better than emulating the players they see on TV blow up on another player each time they are touched or are always trying to get a cheap call from the referee.

In short, there are many aspects of the game that can be celebrated from the sideline by parents and coaches. Yes, the goals are what will always get us out of our seats, but let’s show the kids that we recognize other moments in the game when they do great things that are not easy and just as important for their development. Let's cheer for more!

Things My Mother Never Said to Me

I truly believe nobody accomplishes anything on their own. Success is a combination of individual effort and surrounding yourself with the right people who will influence your life in the correct way. I was fortunate enough to have a mom who loved me dearly and would do anything necessary to make sure I had the best chance to be successful. As a kid, my success on and off the soccer field was a direct result of a lot of hard work (because I am not overly gifted in any capacity), and the discipline instilled in me by my mom in every aspect of my life.

My mom would often say to me, “You can only control what you do.” With this in mind, she rarely ever allowed me to blame other people or look anywhere but internally on the reason for, or the result of, my actions. This is a tough thing to stick by because there are a lot of times in life that you do everything you are suppose to and things do not work out the way we want. It is usually at those times we look for external reasons for “why” and will point blame to a person, group, or organization. My mom would never allow me to do that. She always refocused me to learn from the experience and work harder the next time around.

It may have been different times when I was a kid, and I will never tell a parent how to raise a child or to not step in when their child is being treated unfairly. All parents have the urge to protect their child and want their child to have the best opportunities to be successful. But when do parents step in too much? Even with the best intentions, by parents protecting their kids from negative situations, they can create situations for their kids that actually will have long-term negative effects. On the surface, it looks like the right thing to do, and may have a short-term benefit, but will have negative effects on the child moving forward.

As a soccer coach, I hear a lot of things said by parents to me or their kids that my mom never said to me growing up. I attribute my success on the field to my mom avoiding these comments and not allowing me to make excuses or justify disappointment in the wrong way. By avoiding the comments below, my mom forced me to always focus internally and never make excuses for myself or others. My high school team won 3 state championships, I received a full scholarship to play at Ohio State University, I was a four year starter for the Buckeyes, and captain my senior year. I am convinced the only reason I made it to that level and had success, not being overly athletic or talented, is my mom forced me to take responsibility for everything that happened to me on and off the field. Her most common advice to me was, “work harder next time.” The sentiment stuck.

Below is a sample of comments I hear all the time. As a coach, I cringe every time I hear them. Maybe because I never heard them growing up from my mom.

“My child is not being challenged enough.”

My mom never said this to a coach when I was growing up. If I ever came home from a training session and said, “Practice was easy today,” my mom would reply, “Then, you did not work hard enough.”

She did not even humor the idea that maybe I was not being pushed hard enough by the coach or the coach was making me do training activities that were “below my level of play.” Her immediate reaction was to let me know that how hard I worked was completely under my control. If I felt practice was easy, I just did not put forth enough effort. Case closed.

Am I taking the coach completely off the hook, absolutely not! It is critical for coaches to try to challenge every player and push them to excel. But being challenged is more internal than it is external. For example, if an athlete is asked to run a mile, it may not be a challenging distance for the athlete. The player may be in great shape so a mile run is not challenging at all (on the surface). If the player wanted the mile to be challenging, all the player would need to do is try to run the mile as fast as possible, maybe try to break his/her record, or to put it simply, the player would make the choice to make the activity challenging.

My point is players can control how challenging any activity or environment can be for them. Playing with more skilled or less skilled players, doing complicated or simple training activities, or the duration of activity are not the only reasons something is challenging.

Many parents reaction to a child indicating they are not being challenged it to search out other types of training or a higher level team. I am not saying this is not a good idea at times, but at times it is a quick fix to a deeper issue that goes unaddressed. The child does not put forth the effort required and the reason for that is being put on everyone else but the child. In time, this will hurt the kid’s ability to continue to develop down the road. Anytime a situation is not “ideal” for the player, the excuse of “I am not being challenged enough” will be an acceptable reason for their lack of success and effort.

“My child should play in a different position.”

I came home from a game when I was 13 and told my mom that I think I should be playing forward. Up until that season, I had always played forward and did very well. This coach however felt I was better in the midfield. When I expressed my frustration to my mom, she politely listened but did not give me her opinion or express concern about me playing the new position. My team was having a hard time scoring goals and I was certain I could make more of an impact playing as a forward where I can score more goals versus playing in the midfield. I added the fact that I did not feel as comfortable in the midfield as I did as a forward.

When my mom got tired of hearing me complain about my position with the team, she said something that I will never forget. She cut me off in mid-complaint and sternly said, “Are you a good player?” Stunned by the question, I stuttered, “y-ea.” She moved to eye level with me and said, “Then it should not matter where you play. If you are really that good, you can be great anywhere on the field. If you can’t, then you have more work to do.”

Again, my mom took my complaint that I was being cheated out of playing my best by my coach’s decision and turned it right around on me. Her point was not subtle and quick to the point. I was an upset teenager by my mom’s lack of support and apathetic attitude towards my displeasure with the team, but deep down, I knew she was right. Although not easy to accept and it meant more work for me, I was ultimately in control of how well I played. With a slight change in my attitude and a refocus back on what I can do to improve, I did what was necessary to find success in the new position.

It should be noted I played center mid in college.

“My child should have made that team.”

There were several occasions when I was a youth player that I was not selected for a team. There were times I know I did not deserve to be on the team, but there were other situations where I knew the coaches made a mistake or I was overlooked in the process. Although the disappointment was tough to bear at times, I know it helped me deal with adversity later on in life.

When I would vent to my mom, she was a great sounding board and she allowed me to get out everything I needed to say to let out my frustration with not making the team. She was very supportive and always tried to make me feel better. But, she NEVER told me I should have made the team.

My mom would tell me I am a good player and I worked very hard during training, but she never told me that I got looked over, it was not fair, or some other player was wrongly selected over me. All she told me was “next time, do more to make sure they HAVE to take you.” Again, although deep down she may have felt I did get over looked or it was “political”, she never let me know that. She felt it was more important for me to view it as a challenge to work harder the next time around and continue to get better.

My mom could have complained to the coaches and pointed out how her son played for this team or was much better than this player. My mom could have accused the coaches of taking players they “liked” or “knew” from their own teams. My mom could have never let me tryout again in protest to the gross injustice suffered by her son. But my mom never did any of that. Was she unsupportive? Was she not sticking up for her son?

In actuality, I think my mom was looking out for me. She wanted me to learn how to deal with disappointment and respond in a way that would help me not just in soccer but with other challenges I would face in my life. As we all know, life is not fair and at times we do not get what we probably deserve. Many respond by just pointing blame and deciding not to ever try again because it will most likely end up with the same result. Others decide to work harder and use what they learned from failing to their advantage the next time around. Which one are you? If you are the latter, you should probably pick up the phone and thank your parents.

“I will talk to the coach.”

Nope, never, not going to happen… if I had an issue with a coach, I always was forced to discuss it with the coach. My mom never stepped in and expressed concerns for me. I asked my mom why she always made me talk to the coach. Her response was not what I expected.

In short, my mom said to me she would never talk to the coach about what he was doing on the field because she would never expect him to talk to her about what she was doing with me at home. It was a simple point and again a very good one. Can you imagine if your soccer coach knocked on your parents’ door and gave them suggestions how to be better parents? Her view was that he was the coach and she was the parent. She will do what she thinks is best for me and the coach will do what he thinks is best. Both will make mistakes and will need to learn from those errors.

With that in mind, my mom gave me the responsibility to discuss issues with my coach or any adult I felt it was necessary. When I was younger, she would go with me, but would still make me talk. I know there were times she may not have agreed with the coach but she would never express her disagreement to me. Why? Probably because as soon as I knew my mom did not respect the coach’s decision, she knew I would not respect the decision either. She would be giving me the “green light” to dismiss the coach anytime I did not agree with him.

There a lot of lessons my mom was teaching me by doing this, but I will not go into them all. Outside of taking responsibility and learning how to bring up concerns to people of authority in a respectful way, the most important lesson was probably the least obvious. By my mom refusing to talk with the coach, it made me really decide if my concern was important. When a parent will quickly bring up an issue with a coach, a player will be more likely to bring up every little thing seen as an issue with the parent because the parent will discuss it with the coach. When the kid is forced to have the discussion, the child will be a little more selective about what is a REAL issue and what is not.

“You are better than that player.”

I would ask my mom if I was better than player “x” or player “y” because those players were getting more playing time than me or playing in a position I wanted to play. Whether I was better or worse did not matter much to my mom, or at least, she never made it the focus of the rest of the conversation.

In my mom’s heart she probably thought I was the best player to ever wear soccer cleats. She loved watching me play and thought very highly of my ability and potential on the field, but she NEVER compared me to another player. She would let me know when I had good days and bad days, but she would not compare me to any other player on the field. There were no coaching points or suggestions on how to play better, but she would be honest about my level of play. Normally the comments would be limited to things like, “I have seen you play better” or “it just did not seem like your day.” On the positive side it would be limited to, “You worked very hard today” or “It was a lot of fun to watch you play.” She always made it just about me, positive at times and negative at other times. She was not afraid to let me know when it was not my best effort, but never slow to let me know I played well.

Honestly, I am not sure if I know how my mom felt about any of the players I ever played with. She never gave me specific feedback about any players on the field. Her comments about the rest of the team would be very general. She would always refer to the team and never about individual players. After games I would hear, “the team looked great” or “the team seemed a step slow today.” This continued all the way through college.

My mom just focused on me most of the time. I was her focus and none of the other kids were her responsibility. She never spoke about me to other parents or talked about other players with other parents. Although parents may ask, my mom deflected the questions and avoided those types of conversations. It just was not her concern and made a choice not to allow herself to be part of those discussions.

This kept me focused on me. We are quick at times to justify how well or poor we are doing based on others around us. My mom forced me to measure myself against myself. When using other players to decide how well I did can dangerously lower, or raise, my expectations for myself. It can create a false sense of success or a false sense of failure, depending who I would measure myself against. We all compare ourselves to others at times. It is unavoidable. But when you cut through all the distractions, you should measure success or failure against yourself. It takes a deep sense of awareness and the courage to accept the fact you did your best or you never even really tried. Both are hard to admit at times.

As parents and coaches, sometimes it is the things we do not say that have the biggest impact on a child’s ability to be successful. Youth sports is not about the parents or the coaches, it is only about the kids. It is their time to play, learn, and grow. The kids need to experience success and failure, confidence and doubt, courage and fear, anger and joy, and everything else that comes with playing sports. My mom allowed me to experience them all. She did not shelter me from the bad or shower me with the good, and I never got to take the easy road to where I wanted to go.

The Great Coach Misconception

The season is almost over. Over the course of the season, the team continued to improve and the players are doing well on and off the field. Individually, players are making great strides in improving their skill level and continue to play with more confidence each time they step on the field. As a coach, you have done a great job with your team spending countless hours putting together training session plans, analyzing player performance, and providing instruction that helps player correct mistakes. Now what?

The Great Coach Misconception is that a coach will look at what they did this past season and try to replicate it to try to achieve the same results. The coach found a system that works and the coach will stick to it, right? On the contrary, a great coach will look at how the season went, successful or not, and find things to improve. The misconception is that great coaches stick to what is working. When in fact, great coaches are never satisfied with what is working, and are ALWAYS looking for ways to be better. Why? Simply, great coaches know that just because it is working does not mean it is the MOST EFFECTIVE way to do it. For great coaches, there is no ceiling to improvement. They are often pleased, but never satisfied with their performance as a coach.

When I started coaching, I had this misconception about great coaches and teachers, and I still find myself fighting it today. When things are working and going well, it is very hard to make changes. My goal was always to find what worked and then stick to it. Why recreate the wheel each year, right? If I have a system that works, it does not make sense for me to take time to change it again. Changing what I was doing could also lead to adverse results. I can make a change and it not work, and then everyone would ask, "Why did you stop doing what was working?" Then, I would really look silly! Well, at least that is what I used to think. That fear and unwillingness to change is just an excuse, among many other excuses, to not put in the extra effort to improve.

Great coaches constantly challenge their own coaching philosophies and practices at the end of each season. Not everything, but looking at a couple specific areas in which there could be room for improvement to help the players and team achieve even more next season, on and off the field. Think of the wheel. No, they are not trying to reinvent it, but over the course of history it has proven beneficial to keep trying to make the wheel better. And that is the difference, the desire to constantly make it better. Without it our wheels would still be made of wood or stone.

The more I have read about great coaches in all different types of sports, I am constantly blown away by how much work goes in during the off-season to get better. Great coaches expect that attitude from their players in the off-season, and the expectation is the same for themselves. Not just the standard things that need to get done to prepare for the season, but the amount of extra effort and time put in to analyzing and critiquing their own actions and approaches to teaching their players. Great coaches tend to be more particular and critical of their own actions than anyone else. They are brutally honest and very particular when picking a part all their actions and decisions from the previous year.

Coach Wooden is a great example and someone I love to read about. After each season (many of which ended with championships), Coach Wooden would spend a lot of time researching a part of his approach to training or teaching his team the game that he wanted to improve (regardless of the success last season). His goal was to always improve.

He did a ton of research on the area he wanted to improve and analyzed the data. He would find other team’s statistics, call or send out surveys to opposing coaches, find related articles and publications on the subject, etc… After all of that, he would take all the information, and come up with a plan on how to implement his findings into his training for the following season. As a “thank you” for helping, Coach Wooden would send his results to the coaches who provided information for him to analyze.

It seemed odd to me that the coach, who I assumed would be receiving calls for help from other coaches (which I am sure he did), was the one who was making the calls for help. Again, that was my misconception about great coaches. I thought they did not need any help. They were already great! The simple fact is that these coaches understand that they do not have all the answers and needed to constantly learn as much as possible to help their players succeed.

Great coaches who have a lot of success are often seen as very systematic. Yes, they have a system, and many of them have written about their systems and they are available for coaches to study. The consistent thing about many of these systems is the principles most of them are based on; analyze and improve. To analyze a season requires asking a lot of tough questions. Improvement requires change, and at times, some level of discomfort. Improvement does not happen by accident. Consistent improvement, and regular success, is the result of coaches willing to make changes each year that will help their team and players. After a season below expectations, this is probably something most coaches naturally would do. But after a season that expectations are met or surpassed, making changes is normally not a natural thought. Most coaches will ask, “What did I do right this year to help the team get to that level?” which is a good question. The question that is harder to ask is, “What did I do wrong this year to make it harder to get to that level or beyond it?”

Great coaches have coaching philosophies and firm fundamental beliefs that may never change much throughout their career, and that can be a very good thing as it shows the coach knows what they want to accomplish and how they will do it. Although to best implement their philosophies, the coaches will look for ways to improve upon them or adjust them as their knowledge of the game grows, the game changes, and their players develop.

Again, I think a great misconception with great coaches is that they are stubborn people who do not compromise or look to change. They are coaches with a set system and the recipe for success that works for them. This was my image of those coaches.This image has changed the more I have learned about how these coaches actually operate and the only thing really consistent about them is their willingness to change and improve what they do.

A Team of One

Spending some time at a soccer tournament this past weekend and watching a lot of youth soccer games, mainly U12 and under, I noticed something very interesting. On many teams, the same player was being called on to do almost everything on the field. The same player always took each direct kick, goal kick, corner kick, or any other set piece for the team, and the team tried to get this player the ball as often as possible. You could probably guess which player this was? Yes, it was the player with the strongest kick, was the fastest, most skilled, and who could give the team the best chance to score or have success. The player was a Team of One. The team relied on this player to help secure a result in the game through taking all the set pieces and having that player be the focus of the team strategy. The player rarely came off the field and was asked to do almost everything on the field. To quote from one of my favorite movies, it is a “Pass it to the Italians” type of approach to the game.

What about the other players on the team? If this is truly a team sport and we are trying to develop all the players on the field, why would we not give other players on the field the opportunity to be the player over the ball in those situations? How do they learn what to do with the ball, how to strike it, where to play it, if never given the chance? A coach might say, “Well, the other players cannot do it or play the ball where we need.”

Two things here: 1) A coach’s job is to teach and help kids learn how to do things they cannot already do. Simply deciding a player cannot do something is not coaching. It is giving up. 2) If a player knows he or she will never be asked to do something in a game, the player will never take the time to try to improve that skill area. There is no reason to practice something the player will never get the chance to do.

The other players on these teams are being deprived of opportunities to “be the player” the team relies on in these situations. Not matter what the result, each time a player gets a chance to take one of these dead ball situations or play in a certain position, the player learns something new and it helps them grow as a player. If the games are just an extension of practice at the younger age groups, all players on the field need the chance to practice being involved in all situations of the game.

It seems logical to have players practice a skill they have not learned how to do yet as it is the only way to get better. In a training session, I do not think a coach would allow the players who are good at dribbling to be the only players who dribble, and only players good at passing to pass, and the players good at shooting are the only ones allowed to shoot. I am pretty sure all players need practice in all of these areas. A game is no different. The players all need opportunities to do work on not just their stronger skills but the skills they need to improve on. This means all players need to be put in situations in the game that the team relies on them through the run of play and in set pieces.

Now, if you think games are different. Games are not practice. The games are for competing and getting a result.  If this is how you feel, then having the same player take all the set pieces and dead ball situations in a game because it helps your team be successful does match up with your coaching philosophy. Getting that player the ball as often as possible throughout the game, as it will help your team win, makes a lot of sense based on your goals for the game.

On the other hand, if you feel the game is about ALL the players on your team developing and learning how to play the game, getting all the experiences necessary to continue to grow, then having the same player do everything on the field does not match up with your coaching philosophy and approach. Instead, players should be given opportunities to play important roles within the team and asked to do various things on the field, not the same things over and over. This does not mean giving other players these opportunities ONLY when your team is already up by five goals and the result of the game has been determined.

Yes, older teams, college and professional, have players who take a majority of the set pieces or are relied on to do much more than others based on their position and role within the team's system of play. But I am not talking about that age group or level of player. I am talking about youth players, at the younger ages who are still learning and developing their skills. If we do not know which kids will grow up to continue to play this game, or how players will physically, mentally, or technically develop, I think it is important that all young players get to experience all aspects of the game. If not, then we need to hope that our strongest players at 10 years old are still our strongest players at 18 years old. This seems like a big gamble on only a small percentage of the kids who start out playing the game by only giving a select few most of the opportunities to develop.

I have seen teams that allow whichever player is closest to where the ball is to be the one to takes a free kick. A defender does not come up from the back to take the corner kick because that player has the biggest leg. Instead, the player playing in a position closest to where the kick is to be taken is the one who is given the chance. To do this, kids would need to be rotating positions as well, but in short, the kids know if they are near the ball, it is their responsibility. This means all kids need to know what to do in all of these situations so they are prepared when given the opportunity. Again, this gives all players the opportunity to practice these skills and they will learn what to do when in these types of situations. I think educating each player and giving all the players a chance is a better approach to a team sport than just allowing one player to do it all.

When teams are really committed to helping all players learn how to play the game, the coach and organization gives all players on that team the same opportunities. If not, than it is not a team. Instead, it is a group of players who rely on one player, or a Team of One. The success of all the other players relies on the skill, strength and talent of one player. This is normally the approach taken by teams with a “win first, teach second” type of environment. The more professional and developmental approach is creating a team of many, all of whom are given the chance to contribute in the same ways to the team’s success during games. Creating a Team of One is a very recreational approach to the game, and no better than a “Pass it to the Italians” approach to coaching.

Why Your Child Will Keep Playing

There are many reasons why players play the game and those reasons are different for each player. Soccer offers so many awesome things for kids to experience and learn as they are growing up, just like other sports, and many will continue to play the game as they get older and for the rest of their lives. Many go from playing in their local recreational leagues, to more competitive teams, to high school, and then a small percentage head off to college or beyond (a very small percentage). Eventually, all of us become weekend warriors playing in “competitive” adult leagues with friends for fun. Ironically, we begin playing the game because it is fun, and it is how we finish playing the game until we can no longer run.

So why will your child keep playing soccer as the years pass? It is the relationship kids build with the game through their experiences that keeps them playing. Here are some reasons kids stick with soccer when they are young and continue playing throughout their adult lives.

1. Love the Game – When you truly love something, it is extremely difficult to walk away from it. When you like it, enjoy it, or it is just something that you do, it is much easier to leave the game behind. A love, a passionate joy, to play the game is the key ingredient to keep kids playing. The player must develop this love for the game to continue to play it. It is not just about their experiences on the field, but also their investment in the game away from the field. By that I mean, they watch soccer on TV, have a favorite team or player, play soccer video games, and create their own pick-up games with friends. This is where the love of the game begins, but it is where it grows and flourishes over the years. If kids really love the game, a bad practice, a bad game, a bad coach, or other negative events that will happen overtime, will never be enough to push a player away from the game. It will always be a part of their lives (to some capacity).

2. You Love the Game – Kids love when you love what they do. Kids know when going to their games or practices is a hassle or something you really do not want to do. As much as adults try to hide it, our poker faces are no match for a kid’s intuition. The child will pick up quickly on the fact that you would rather be doing other things. When a child knows that their involvement in soccer makes you happy, that you love to go watch them play and be part of their soccer experience, the more likely the child will want to continue to play. There may be no greater motivator for a young child than the look of a proud parent. It has been said before… one of the best things you can ever say to your child is, “I love to watch you play.”

3. No Stress on Family – The game cannot be a point of stress in the relationship between a parent and child. When the game seems to drive a wedge between the two and is a reason for tension in the house, it is very likely the child will eventually stop playing the game. At some point, it will not be worth the issues away from the field at home. I think deep down any child would rather have a great relationship with their parents than anything else. If they feel playing the game is a reason why “mom or dad is mad at me” then it will not be long till they try to make you happy and stop playing.

4. Friends & Social Network – There is no better social network than sports. When the social aspect stays an important component of sports, the kids continue to play the game longer. When you get to go play the sport you love, with some of your closest friends, it is very hard to step away as you would not get to see your best friends every day. With that, the team practices and the events outside of the practices have to be geared towards creating a strong relationship and family type of culture among the players. Time spent away from the field can be even more important than time spent at the field among teammates. Even at the highest competitive levels, I think many players will tell you that it is the friendships and relationships formed over their time playing that mean the most to them in the end.

5. Getting Better – It is important for kids to be in an environment where they can improve their level of play. By this, I do not mean that kids are moving up teams or getting more playing time based on their performance. Simply, the kids need to see improvement in themselves, but not in relation to other players. If they notice the things that they can do now, that they could not do yesterday or a year ago, they will continue to play. This is a critical responsibility of the parents and coaches of youth players. They need to make sure players are focused on their improvement in relation to themselves, not others, and recognize when there has been growth in their ability, no matter how small. Important note to this, “false praise” will have the exact opposite effect. Kids know when you are praising things that are not really deserved. When kids pick up on adults doing this, they will feel they are not doing anything of real importance or your expectations for them are very low.

6. Self-worth – Being part of a team and being counted on by others gives kids a sense of self-worth. It tells them there are others that need them and rely on them. Their efforts have a positive effect on, not just themselves, but on the other people around them (their teammates). It is recognized when something is done well, and the player can see a tangible outcome that would not have happened without their hard work, and it makes others happy. This sense of self-worth gives the kids the confidence to take on hard tasks and challenges, on and off the field, because they feel they have something to offer. They can make a difference when they put the effort into something.

7. Stay in Shape – Many players point to this as a reason for playing soccer. Soccer requires a higher level of fitness than many other sports kids play. It is great feeling to be fit and healthy, and it is a physical fitness level that most people want to hold on to for as long as possible. This is a great ancillary benefit of playing the game they love. Not only is it a lot of fun, but it keeps their body in peak form. With this in mind, this is one important reason why a kid getting to play in games and during practice is necessary. If a player is watching the game on the bench or is sitting/standing in training more than they are running around, the player is not getting that fitness benefit from playing the game. Kids love to leave the field with a good sweat after running around on the field. The sweat and some soreness is a reminder of all the effort expended on the field and that they are working towards an achievement.

8. Scoring Goals – Scoring a goal is one of the best feelings in sports. There is nothing more exciting for a soccer player than to score a goal for your team, especially in a close game or to give your team the win. With that said, it is just as much fun scoring in practice or in a pick up game with friends. No matter what the circumstances, the satisfaction felt when you strike the ball into the net is indescribable. This is part of why young kids should have many opportunities to score goals when they begin playing. It makes the game more fun. Scoring goals in training and in games keeps kids coming back to play the game. Coaches of young kids need to give all players the opportunity to be around the goal to score throughout the season, not just one or two players.

Obviously this is not an extensive list of reasons why kids continue to play the game as they get older, but I think it hits on a couple key areas. Soccer, like other sports and hobbies, is not life. It is just something done in addition to living life. If kids are going to stick with it, or any sport for that matter, it needs add to their quality of life, not take away from it. The longer your child is involved in sports, or other activities, I think it has a HUGE positive impact on their lives as adults in too many ways to describe.

Things Remembered

When I start thinking about how I got into coaching and why I chose this as a career, I cannot stop from remembering all the coaches who I had along the way that helped me get to where I am today. I have played for many coaches, with many different styles of coaching, some better than others, but I know that I took something away from all of them. With each step, these mentors, soccer teachers, helped me become the player and person I am today.

Over my time coaching, I wonder what type of impact I have on the players I get the opportunity and privilege to work with everyday. Not just from a soccer standpoint, but for the more important things. Are there moments, things I have said, or done, on the field or away from the field, that those players will point to 20 years later as a moment in their lives that was important to them (for one reason or another)?

Looking back, my most memorable moments with the coaches who I feel made a significant impact on my life had less to do with soccer and more to do with the way they made me feel. Whether it was during a training session or a very rough time in my life, these coaches said something or did something that impacted me in an incredible way. I did not know it then, but looking back, their words and actions are some of my most vivid, emotional, and inspiring moments of my life around the game.

Spaceman

Alvin James was a member of the Fort Lauderdale Strikers, a semi-pro team in South Florida, when I was growing up. It was common for the team to put on soccer camps in the summer, and like many soccer camps put on by professional teams, they were very popular and there were a lot of kids who attended. This was my first time at a soccer camp.

I was assigned to Alvin’s group during the camp and he was my coach for the week. This was during the beginning of my playing experience and I was new to soccer. I was not overly skilled, but I enjoyed playing the game. Alvin was one of my favorite players on the Fort Lauderdale Strikers, so I was very excited to have him as my coach for the week.

Like a typical soccer camp, we played a lot of fun games and one of the classics, Knock Out, which is still popular today with kids. During the game, I was having some success keeping my ball and kicking everyone else’s soccer ball out of the playing area. After knocking out a couple players, Alvin said, “Hey, you need to watch out for Spaceman. He is going to kick your ball to outer space!” Yes, this sounds very silly, but I never had a nickname before so I was very excited to be known as “Spaceman” for the rest of the camp. The name stuck for all the years I attended Fort Lauderdale Strikers camps or saw Alvin at one of his games. He would always say, “Hey Spaceman!” It made me want to go back to the camp each year and go to the games to see the team play.

It is very common for coaches to give kids nicknames like that, but sometimes it means more than just a silly name and having some fun. I loved my nickname! In a camp of hundreds of kids, it made me feel important and special among the crowd. I was not nearly one of the better players in the camp, but I felt I could do anything on the field and was very confident with Coach Alvin. It was very early in my playing experience that I met Alvin. His nickname for me may have been the initial fire lit inside of me that kept me playing this game for many years.

I would run into Alvin from time to time when I was an older player in high school, and every time I saw him, he greeted me the same way, “Hey Spaceman!”

Stopped for Good

Richard Williams was by far one of the most influential coaches I worked with in my career. He was brilliant at teaching players the technical, tactical, and psychological aspects of the game through training. He pushed much harder than most coaches I have seen in making players work beyond their limits. He expected a high work rate and a tremendous respect to the details of each skill movement and the nuances of the game. But his real talent, that I have come to realize looking back, was his incredible ability to motivate players.

My first year training with Coach Williams I remember a moment on the field very vividly, mainly because it did not happen before, which is the reason why I continued to train with him. I do not remember most practices or training sessions, and I cannot recount for you the games I won or lost. I had thousands of experiences on the field in training with coaches but this is one I will never forget. Funny, it is not that exciting or dramatic of a moment. It was just so different than anything I experienced before.

Playing a basic possession game, I moved to a teammate that had the ball, and asked for a pass. Brian Lapinskis (yes, I still know who played me the pass) passed me the ball to my feet. As the ball arrived, I played one touch back to Brian and moved away. This seemed routine and not something note worthy.

Immediately, Coach Williams froze the game. He then said, “Did everyone see what Tony did?” Up to this point, when a game was stopped, it was normally for a mistake, so my first thought was “Oh great, what did I do wrong?” In his very upbeat and charismatic way of talking to us, he began praising what I did. A simple thing like keeping the ball moving, and moving after I passed the ball, was something he was making a big deal about. No other coach had done that before. No other coach had Stopped for the Good. I had only experienced a game being stopped to make a correction. I do not exactly know why, but I had never been so excited to continue to play again.

He was the first coach I had who would stop and praise players as often, if not more, than stop to correct players. His ability to do this, at the right times and for the right reasons, motivated me to work hard to continue to do things correctly and improve the areas of my game needed to have success on the field. This may be common today among coaches, but it was not that common 20 years ago.

As a player, I have received a lot of feedback from coaches. Most I do not remember very well, but that day, that moment, is one that I will always remember. It stuck with me as a player and still today as a coach. Again, it was a moment that helped build my confidence as a player and in what I was capable of doing on the field. It made me realize the importance of the simple, but critical, skills players need. Building a player’s confidence and appreciation for simple things that work, may be the most important things a coach can do for a player.

To further drive home the point that he was excellent at motivating players to want and expect more from themselves, it is good to note that most players who worked with him continued on to play at the college level.

The Goal My Dad Saw

I was waiting down stairs for my dad to pick me up for my soccer game. He had not been able to see me play in a while because he was traveling a lot, but he promised to pick me up for my game and bring me. Waiting outside of my mom’s house, I waited patiently to see his car make the turn down the street.

As game time was nearing, my dad still had not arrived. My mom called and could not get a hold of him. I was angry to say the least when driving to the game with mom that day. My mom tried to tell me not to worry about it, and just focus on playing the game and having fun. I couldn’t, and when I arrived at the game I was still noticeably very mad with my dad. My coach, Walter Franco, asked me what was wrong when I walked up to the bench.

I said, “Nothing. My dad not did show up to take me to the game. Sorry I am late.” Coach Franco said, “No problem, I am sure he did not want to miss it. I am sure there is a good reason.” Obviously, I did not want to hear it, and just brushed off the comment and finished getting my cleats on to play.

That game I scored a pretty nice goal from outside of the 18-yard box. I struck the ball well, knuckling it into the top left corner, not giving the goalkeeper a chance. I remember the goal well, not because it was memorable, but just because of when it happened. Our team won the game, and when I was walking off the field, Coach Franco said, “Great goal Tony! Your dad will be sad he missed it.”

The next morning, when I got up to go to school, still mad about the day before, I found out my dad had passed away. The next couple of days leading up to the funeral are very hard to recall. It seemed like a numb blur. I have heard that when the body experiences enough pain, it can cause a person to pass out. This is the way I felt after my mom told me. I was incapable of feeling or thinking about anything. It was like all of my senses turned off to avoid feeling anything.

At the funeral, the numbness ended and I felt everything. Among my family and friends who were there for support, so were my teammates and my coach. As people came by to pay their respects and offer their condolences, it became tougher and tougher with each person who I talked to.

Coach Franco came up to me and said, “I was wrong.” I was taken back by the comment as it broke the rhythm of what is normally said. I replied, “Huh?” He repeated, “I was wrong. Your dad did not miss that goal. He saw it and I know he is proud.” He gave me a hug, and in that moment when all I could muster were tears, I smiled and laughed with my coach. While everyone else reminded me my dad was gone, he was the first one to remind me that he would always be there.

We all have moments in our life that are incredibly painful and there is very little anyone can do to make us feel better. With that said, sometimes a simple statement can offer you solace when you least expect it.

The Phone Call

There are moments that you realize how much coaches really care about their players. Through the smallest gestures, coaches can dramatically change a player’s day. For Senior Day at Ohio State, my mom was not able to make it up for the game. My mom was upset she was not going to be able to be there, but I understood and it was not a big deal.

Before the game on Senior Day, all the Seniors are called out on to the field with their parents and introduced. The coaches write some kind words about your contribution to the team and program over the years, and you are recognized for your dedication to the school and team. My roommates walked with me on to the field on that day which was already an awesome surprise.

As I was walking up when it was my turn to be introduced, I noticed Coach Speth had a phone in his hand. My first thought was, “Why is Coach Frank Speth using his cell phone right now?” When I got over to the coaches, he handed me the phone. He had called my mom and had her on the line. As my information was being read aloud, she was on the phone with me telling me she loved me, and I wept. As I was talking to her, Coach Speth put his hands on my shoulders and stood with me until I was done.

If you know Coach Speth, it would not surprise you that he did that for me. Over the years, he has done things like this for many of the players he has coached. It was completely unexpected, something he did not have to do, and one of my best memories of my time at Ohio State. Thanks to coach Speth, I got to spend that moment on Senior Day with my mom. It changed everything for me on that day.

I think these experiences, not only made me want to be a coach and teacher, but they made me such a passionate advocate of this game. Throughout my life, my coaches have been some of the most influential and supportive people I have met. These are just four of the most memorable and significant moments, among many more, when a coach said or did something to make my day just a little better or make me love the game just a little more.

As coaches, we never know how much weight our words or actions hold. What we say or do may seem insignificant or common to us, but for the kids, it could be that one thing that alters their path forever.