As a coach, the more I learn about how players process and perceive the information I provide them throughout the year, the more cautious I am about what I say. Many comments that are very commonly heard on the soccer field probably should not be said (for the most part) to a player while they are learning to play the game. Although I will still catch myself saying some of these things from time to time, I have made an effort to stop myself before these comments leave my mouth.
On the surface, many of these seem fine, but when you really think about how a player would hear these comments and process them, there may be better ways to communicate our point.
You’re really talented!
It is nice compliment to give to a player, but it is the wrong message to send. Telling a player, or anyone, that they are talented, can lead them to believe they are just naturally better than most. Although the player may be a talented player, you should recognize what the player has done to become talented. A better compliment to a player would be, “You have worked really hard!” Instead of just recognizing that the player is good, you put the focus on what the player did to achieve that level.
Why is that better? If a player believes they are just “talented”, this is just something they are good at, the first time they are put in a situation where they begin to struggle and do not have much success, how will they react? If they feel they are just talented, they may immediately feel defeated and think, “Well, I guess I am not as talented as I thought.” A player who has been complimented on their work rate and focus would probably be more likely to enjoy the struggle and know that if they just work harder, give themselves more time; they can reach that level as well. In short, that player will be more likely to work through a difficult situation versus just give up when their “talent” is being challenged.
What are you doing!?
When do most players hear this? Yup, right after a mistake. As if the player is going to turn around and say, “I was trying to make a mistake and give the ball away to make it harder on my team to be successful in the hope you would yell across the field and single me out.” In short, this is a common reaction of a coach which does NOTHING to help the player. If you have ever coached, you have probably said this before. I know I have. If our goal is to teach, this is the last thing that should be said to a player.
Instead, something along the lines of, “Next time, can you get your head up a little quicker so you can see your options?” The player does not need it highlighted a mistake was made. A player needs information (coaching) to help them be more successful next time. Coaching is not about just recognizing a mistake is made, but more importantly, helping the player correct it and learn from it.
You know this! I taught you that!
Well, obviously not. Unless the player is doing it, you have not taught it. In addition, not only does the player obviously not understand what you are asking them to do, now they also may start believing they are not smart of enough or have the ability to understand it.
Put yourself in a player’s shoes. When was the last time you were clearly confused, and maybe even a little frustrated, because you did not understand something? Think about that time. Now, how helpful would it have been for someone one to walk up to you and say, “Hey, you know this!” I would assume this would either make you more frustrated or more confused.
I think this would be more helpful for a coach to say to a player, “Remember in training when we worked on…. Well, this is a great opportunity in the game to try…..”
In the end, if the player is showing signs that they do not understand what you are asking them to do, find another way to explain it so the player can understand.
You Can’t do that!
Unless they are breaking the rules of the game, I am not sure if this statement applies much to the game of soccer. The players who we enjoy to watch the most are the players who do things that nobody else has the guts to do, and most likely, would be something a coach would tell a player NOT to do if it did not work the first time.
When players are young, they have to be given the opportunity to try and do things that might not work right away. They need to fail and learn from it. Just because they cannot do it now, does not mean the player may not be able to do it in the future (if given the chance to try).
Let young players experiment in games and try to do difficult things. When they do not work, the player will learn more from being able to try it and fail than from a coach explaining what to do or not to do on the field.
That is not good enough!
Although you are trying to motivate the player to pick up their level of play, I am not sure if this is the best statement to do it. A simple fix would just to make the statement positive versus it being negative.
“You CAN do better than that!”
After hearing this, a player will be much more inclined to try to do better. Instead of just being told what the player is doing is not good enough, you are letting the player know you feel they can do better.
By simply saying “it is not good enough” can make a player to feel the coach believes their level will never be good enough. When people know you believe they can accomplish more, they are much more willing to at least try to prove you right.
If you do that again, I am taking you out!
I left this for last because it is the worst thing a player can hear during a game. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up when I hear it. Really, if a coach ever says this to a player, they should just take the player out of the game right away, because from that point on, the player will be too scared to do ANYTHING in fear of making a mistake, so the coach will end up taking them out anyway.
A fear free environment is necessary to help a player learn to play the game. Fear is the adversary of creativity and enjoyment. Two critical aspects of learning anything! As soon as the player is scared to fail, there is no point for them to play anymore.
If you are not sure if a child is playing scared, here is a very simple test. Every time a player makes a mistake, what does the player do? If the player keeps playing, that is a good thing. If the player makes a mistake and immediately looks to the sideline at a parent or coach, the player is playing scared. Why? Because they are looking to the sideline to see if an adult is upset with them.
It is important to always choose your words wisely when communicating with young kids and athletes who are trying to improve. Although you may be trying to get the right message across, the delivery of the message can be the reason why it is received or rejected by the player. Just changing the way things are said, what is said, and what is not said, can have a long lasting impact on the players you coach.
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