Things Remembered

When I start thinking about how I got into coaching and why I chose this as a career, I cannot stop from remembering all the coaches who I had along the way that helped me get to where I am today. I have played for many coaches, with many different styles of coaching, some better than others, but I know that I took something away from all of them. With each step, these mentors, soccer teachers, helped me become the player and person I am today.

Over my time coaching, I wonder what type of impact I have on the players I get the opportunity and privilege to work with everyday. Not just from a soccer standpoint, but for the more important things. Are there moments, things I have said, or done, on the field or away from the field, that those players will point to 20 years later as a moment in their lives that was important to them (for one reason or another)?

Looking back, my most memorable moments with the coaches who I feel made a significant impact on my life had less to do with soccer and more to do with the way they made me feel. Whether it was during a training session or a very rough time in my life, these coaches said something or did something that impacted me in an incredible way. I did not know it then, but looking back, their words and actions are some of my most vivid, emotional, and inspiring moments of my life around the game.

Spaceman

Alvin James was a member of the Fort Lauderdale Strikers, a semi-pro team in South Florida, when I was growing up. It was common for the team to put on soccer camps in the summer, and like many soccer camps put on by professional teams, they were very popular and there were a lot of kids who attended. This was my first time at a soccer camp.

I was assigned to Alvin’s group during the camp and he was my coach for the week. This was during the beginning of my playing experience and I was new to soccer. I was not overly skilled, but I enjoyed playing the game. Alvin was one of my favorite players on the Fort Lauderdale Strikers, so I was very excited to have him as my coach for the week.

Like a typical soccer camp, we played a lot of fun games and one of the classics, Knock Out, which is still popular today with kids. During the game, I was having some success keeping my ball and kicking everyone else’s soccer ball out of the playing area. After knocking out a couple players, Alvin said, “Hey, you need to watch out for Spaceman. He is going to kick your ball to outer space!” Yes, this sounds very silly, but I never had a nickname before so I was very excited to be known as “Spaceman” for the rest of the camp. The name stuck for all the years I attended Fort Lauderdale Strikers camps or saw Alvin at one of his games. He would always say, “Hey Spaceman!” It made me want to go back to the camp each year and go to the games to see the team play.

It is very common for coaches to give kids nicknames like that, but sometimes it means more than just a silly name and having some fun. I loved my nickname! In a camp of hundreds of kids, it made me feel important and special among the crowd. I was not nearly one of the better players in the camp, but I felt I could do anything on the field and was very confident with Coach Alvin. It was very early in my playing experience that I met Alvin. His nickname for me may have been the initial fire lit inside of me that kept me playing this game for many years.

I would run into Alvin from time to time when I was an older player in high school, and every time I saw him, he greeted me the same way, “Hey Spaceman!”

Stopped for Good

Richard Williams was by far one of the most influential coaches I worked with in my career. He was brilliant at teaching players the technical, tactical, and psychological aspects of the game through training. He pushed much harder than most coaches I have seen in making players work beyond their limits. He expected a high work rate and a tremendous respect to the details of each skill movement and the nuances of the game. But his real talent, that I have come to realize looking back, was his incredible ability to motivate players.

My first year training with Coach Williams I remember a moment on the field very vividly, mainly because it did not happen before, which is the reason why I continued to train with him. I do not remember most practices or training sessions, and I cannot recount for you the games I won or lost. I had thousands of experiences on the field in training with coaches but this is one I will never forget. Funny, it is not that exciting or dramatic of a moment. It was just so different than anything I experienced before.

Playing a basic possession game, I moved to a teammate that had the ball, and asked for a pass. Brian Lapinskis (yes, I still know who played me the pass) passed me the ball to my feet. As the ball arrived, I played one touch back to Brian and moved away. This seemed routine and not something note worthy.

Immediately, Coach Williams froze the game. He then said, “Did everyone see what Tony did?” Up to this point, when a game was stopped, it was normally for a mistake, so my first thought was “Oh great, what did I do wrong?” In his very upbeat and charismatic way of talking to us, he began praising what I did. A simple thing like keeping the ball moving, and moving after I passed the ball, was something he was making a big deal about. No other coach had done that before. No other coach had Stopped for the Good. I had only experienced a game being stopped to make a correction. I do not exactly know why, but I had never been so excited to continue to play again.

He was the first coach I had who would stop and praise players as often, if not more, than stop to correct players. His ability to do this, at the right times and for the right reasons, motivated me to work hard to continue to do things correctly and improve the areas of my game needed to have success on the field. This may be common today among coaches, but it was not that common 20 years ago.

As a player, I have received a lot of feedback from coaches. Most I do not remember very well, but that day, that moment, is one that I will always remember. It stuck with me as a player and still today as a coach. Again, it was a moment that helped build my confidence as a player and in what I was capable of doing on the field. It made me realize the importance of the simple, but critical, skills players need. Building a player’s confidence and appreciation for simple things that work, may be the most important things a coach can do for a player.

To further drive home the point that he was excellent at motivating players to want and expect more from themselves, it is good to note that most players who worked with him continued on to play at the college level.

The Goal My Dad Saw

I was waiting down stairs for my dad to pick me up for my soccer game. He had not been able to see me play in a while because he was traveling a lot, but he promised to pick me up for my game and bring me. Waiting outside of my mom’s house, I waited patiently to see his car make the turn down the street.

As game time was nearing, my dad still had not arrived. My mom called and could not get a hold of him. I was angry to say the least when driving to the game with mom that day. My mom tried to tell me not to worry about it, and just focus on playing the game and having fun. I couldn’t, and when I arrived at the game I was still noticeably very mad with my dad. My coach, Walter Franco, asked me what was wrong when I walked up to the bench.

I said, “Nothing. My dad not did show up to take me to the game. Sorry I am late.” Coach Franco said, “No problem, I am sure he did not want to miss it. I am sure there is a good reason.” Obviously, I did not want to hear it, and just brushed off the comment and finished getting my cleats on to play.

That game I scored a pretty nice goal from outside of the 18-yard box. I struck the ball well, knuckling it into the top left corner, not giving the goalkeeper a chance. I remember the goal well, not because it was memorable, but just because of when it happened. Our team won the game, and when I was walking off the field, Coach Franco said, “Great goal Tony! Your dad will be sad he missed it.”

The next morning, when I got up to go to school, still mad about the day before, I found out my dad had passed away. The next couple of days leading up to the funeral are very hard to recall. It seemed like a numb blur. I have heard that when the body experiences enough pain, it can cause a person to pass out. This is the way I felt after my mom told me. I was incapable of feeling or thinking about anything. It was like all of my senses turned off to avoid feeling anything.

At the funeral, the numbness ended and I felt everything. Among my family and friends who were there for support, so were my teammates and my coach. As people came by to pay their respects and offer their condolences, it became tougher and tougher with each person who I talked to.

Coach Franco came up to me and said, “I was wrong.” I was taken back by the comment as it broke the rhythm of what is normally said. I replied, “Huh?” He repeated, “I was wrong. Your dad did not miss that goal. He saw it and I know he is proud.” He gave me a hug, and in that moment when all I could muster were tears, I smiled and laughed with my coach. While everyone else reminded me my dad was gone, he was the first one to remind me that he would always be there.

We all have moments in our life that are incredibly painful and there is very little anyone can do to make us feel better. With that said, sometimes a simple statement can offer you solace when you least expect it.

The Phone Call

There are moments that you realize how much coaches really care about their players. Through the smallest gestures, coaches can dramatically change a player’s day. For Senior Day at Ohio State, my mom was not able to make it up for the game. My mom was upset she was not going to be able to be there, but I understood and it was not a big deal.

Before the game on Senior Day, all the Seniors are called out on to the field with their parents and introduced. The coaches write some kind words about your contribution to the team and program over the years, and you are recognized for your dedication to the school and team. My roommates walked with me on to the field on that day which was already an awesome surprise.

As I was walking up when it was my turn to be introduced, I noticed Coach Speth had a phone in his hand. My first thought was, “Why is Coach Frank Speth using his cell phone right now?” When I got over to the coaches, he handed me the phone. He had called my mom and had her on the line. As my information was being read aloud, she was on the phone with me telling me she loved me, and I wept. As I was talking to her, Coach Speth put his hands on my shoulders and stood with me until I was done.

If you know Coach Speth, it would not surprise you that he did that for me. Over the years, he has done things like this for many of the players he has coached. It was completely unexpected, something he did not have to do, and one of my best memories of my time at Ohio State. Thanks to coach Speth, I got to spend that moment on Senior Day with my mom. It changed everything for me on that day.

I think these experiences, not only made me want to be a coach and teacher, but they made me such a passionate advocate of this game. Throughout my life, my coaches have been some of the most influential and supportive people I have met. These are just four of the most memorable and significant moments, among many more, when a coach said or did something to make my day just a little better or make me love the game just a little more.

As coaches, we never know how much weight our words or actions hold. What we say or do may seem insignificant or common to us, but for the kids, it could be that one thing that alters their path forever.