Coach Captain Obvious

While sitting and watching a youth soccer match, you will hear a lot of things said from either sideline. Often we focus on things that parents say from their sideline that are not beneficial to the players, but what about what is being said by the players’ coaches? Throughout the game, what information is being shared from the coaches’ sideline to the players? This will change drastically depending on the type of coach that is working with your child. High level youth coaches provide information to help players solve the problems of the game and improve their level of play. When mistakes are made, information that is useful to the player to help them have success the next time is provided. Unfortunately, some players will play for coach “Captain Obvious” who does not provide information that helps the players as much as just pointing out mistakes and running commentary of the events of the game.

Think of it this way, it is not enough to just point out issues and mistakes on the field. That is not coaching. It is the lowest level of observation and thought by just stating the obvious over and over again. Also, when a coach only points on mistakes without any information to the player on how to correct it, than nothing is learned.

Does your child play for “Captain Obvious?” Here are some things you would hear from the sideline from this type of coach, and how I am confident most players would like to respond.

“You can’t lose the ball there!”

OK. Please point to the area of the field where it is fine to lose the ball. Next time I “INTEND” to lose the ball, I will do my best coach to make sure I am in that part of the field. Is there anything I could have done different before I got the ball or with my first touch to help me not lose the ball in this “can’t lose it there” area of the field?

“Keep possession!”

Ohhhh, I misunderstood the point of the game. I was TRYING to give the ball to the other team. I thought we got points for each time we lost possession. Any tips on how to keep possession?

“You need to finish those opportunities!”

Are there opportunities that I do not want to finish? Hopefully you understand my intention was to score that goal. I did not miss on purpose because I thought this was one of those opportunities that it did not matter if I scored or not.

“Take less touches!”

You mean take one less than the number I took right before I lost possession? Yea, I guess that would have been a good idea. I am not sure why I feel the need to take all these touches. It is like some type of addiction to have the ball at my feet. Personally, I wanted to give the ball up earlier, but my feet would not let me. How many touches should I take each time I get the ball? Is there some type of chart for me to review?

“Better pass!”

By “better” do you mean one that goes to my teammate versus the other team? You’re right that would be a better pass. Perhaps some advice on how to strike a better pass than reminding me I just gave the ball away. Were you under the assumption I thought that was a good pass?

“Better first touch!”

Again, by “better” you mean one that does not cause me to lose the ball? Yes, again, that would have been better. I am glad you said something. I was actually going to take a worse touch next time and see how that worked out.

“You need to win that ball!"

By win the ball, is there some type of raffle, or do I just go and take it from him? I was under the impression that they are suppose to just give me the ball when they do not want it anymore. If I would have known I am suppose to go win it, I would have done it already. Thanks again coach! This game is so simple.

“You let him get by you!”

Well, he asked nicely. He said, “hey man, can I get by?” So I said, “Sure!” Next time should I say no?

“You have to run!”

Not true. Look up Carlos Valderrama. He rarely ever ran and was really good, and I model my game after him.

“You are out of position!”

Can you perhaps put up some type of markers, or maybe an electric fence to help me know when I am not in “position” during the game? Don’t worry about teaching about my roles and responsibilities, just point and yell.

“You dribbled right into the defender!”

Incorrect. That defender ran right into me. It is his fault!

“Shoot when you get the chance!”

Thank you for permission to try to score when I have the chance. I tend to wait till I do not have the chance to try to score, but I will try your way from now on.

“Get open/No one is moving!”

I keep trying, but this guy keeps following me around. Can we ask him to stop following me? It would make it much easier to get open. But if he is just going to keep following me, I really just don’t see the point.

I know I am being overly sarcastic, but my point is simple. These types of comments are just obvious observations from the sideline from the coach. They do NOTHING to help a player improve or better understand the game. To tell a player who just lost the ball that he just lost the ball, is not what I would consider high level coaching. To tell a player who just missed a shot on goal to hit the target, does not provide any information to help the player do what is being asked.

Instead of telling a player to not lose the ball or score, a coach would provide information to help them be able to do that the next time they get the chance. The player does not need to be told what just happened. He was there and is well aware of what just transpired. What the player needs from the coach, is corrective information that the player can apply to the next time he gets the same opportunity.

Instead of “hit the target,” after a miss, a coach who is trying to teach may say something like, “Take a look before you shoot so you know where you are and get your feet set before your shot.” That is just an example, but it gives the player something to try next time they get the chance to score.

This can be applied to most moments in the game. When coaches speak to the players during the game, instead of just commentating on what just happened, it is much more helpful to provide the players with information to help them improve their level of the play. All the examples I gave do not provide any helpful information to allow the player to have a better chance of having success the next time. Like any great teacher, comments should be designed to either spark critical thinking to solve the problems presented to the player or are hints/tips for them to discover how to find more success in the game. Stating the obvious may sound like coaching, but nothing is being taught (or learned).

Building Real Confidence

Confidence and self-esteem are important for every player to have in order to be successful on and off the soccer field. As coaches and parents, one of our goals is help develop both of these in players over the course of their childhood to help them be prepared for the real world when they are off on their own to face the challenges ahead. Confidence and self-esteem help people deal with adversity by being able to make thoughtful decisions in difficult situations that are aligned with their core values. It helps people stay the course in pursuit of their goals while others tell them it cannot be done or they are doomed to fail. Confidence and self-esteem prevent people from quitting too early. The importance of these traits in a person cannot be stressed enough. With that said, we need to be very careful in how we try to develop confidence and self-esteem in kids as they grow up. Too often, we are too focused on making kids feel confident and have self-esteem through artificial means versus developing the skills that are the foundation that confidence and self-esteem are built upon.

Success does not develop confidence or self-esteem. Confidence and self-esteem develops sustain, life-long success. It is not the other way around. Too often, we try to manufacture situations that kids will have success in order to build their confidence and self-esteem. Although in the short term, yes, a child will feel good about what just happened, but will that confidence last? Is it the type of confidence that will remain the next time the child fails? Or is it more like a big shiny bubble that is great for a moment but will not last? Unfortunately, artificial success creates a confidence “bubble” that will always pop leaving nothing of substance behind.

To build confidence and self-esteem in kids, you are not really focusing on building those things. To build that in a child, the focus needs to be on developing the skills required, and abilities needed, to actually be confidence and self-assured about what they are able to do. To build confidence and self-esteem, a person needs the skills and ability to be successful in whatever they choose to do. Building confidence and self-esteem without any real substance behind it, is like building a house with no foundation. Under the slightest amount of pressure, it will crumble.

For example, a doctor who is confident is normally confident for good reason (at least we hope so). Over a career of developing knowledge and skills to provide the best care possible for patients, the doctor is confident in the ability to diagnose a problem and treat it accordingly. Although the doctor may be wrong at times, it does not hurt the doctor’s confidence or cause doubt in the doctor’s ability to do a great job. But what if the doctor lacked any substantive knowledge or advanced skills, what if deep down the doctor really knew that those abilities were not there? How quickly would the doctor’s confidence and self-esteem fade at the moment that the doctor is challenged or faced with adversity to any degree? How quickly would the doctor shy away from “difficult cases” or give up when a diagnosis could not be found quick.

In relation to soccer, confident players are ones who have the necessary skills to play the game. They are not necessarily the players who are having success. Yes, they may claim to be confident and may even show the body language and demeanor of a confident player, but what happens the first time they are really challenged by the game or another player? What happens the first time they fail? Does the confidence remain or does it quickly fade? Does the player assume he is no longer a good player? Or is the player confident in what he is able to do and recognizes a temporary setback and an opportunity to grow and develop.

Kids are confident and have a high self-esteem when they know they are good at something. When they know they have the skills to be successful, and they can make a positive impact on what is going on around them, they are confident and will shine. When challenged, they do not break. They rely on what they know how to do and what they can do to meet the challenge and overcome it, but even when they fail, it is never from a lack of effort or persistence. More importantly, they do not take it as an attack on their self-worth or confidence, but as an opportunity to learn, grow, and become better. Even in failure, self-esteem and confidence can grow, but only in those who are really confident and have a self-esteem solidified on the substance and value of their abilities.

Too often we are too concerned with the final result, a score, a grade, a certificate, etc… and not concerned enough with what the child actually is capable of doing or what the child actually knows. Think about back when you were in school, and you got an A on a test or a paper. Getting the A is a great thing, and in no way am I saying that trying to achieve high scores is a bad thing. My question is what did you really have to do to get that A, or what did you learn? Getting the A is not what built your confidence or self-esteem. It is what you are now capable of doing or what you now know that was significant. It is what real self-esteem and confidence grows from. If the A was not really earned, nothing was learned, or the child was setup to do well (easy questions, “spoon fed” the answers), then the A really has very little value. Yes, the child may be “proud” of the grade, but then what? What is the child left with besides a memory of a moment that they felt good about something they “accomplished?”

On the soccer field it is the same, we are too concerned on whether a child wins and loses and the effect it will have on their self-esteem or confidence, rather than really looking to see what the child is or is not capable of doing. What is the child learning or not learning how to do? Winning is a great thing, and every player should compete to win, but winning does not build confidence. Ability does. Players can be on a team that wins all the time, but if deep down they know they do not have the skills to play the game, then they are not confident or have a high self-esteem when it comes to soccer. Yes, they feel good and smile after a win. Of course they do, since winning feels good. But the truth is, they are not building confidence to play the game. Why? They have nothing to really be confident about.

Confidence and self-esteem come from one simple question: What can you do? The more skills and ability a person has, the more they are capable of doing, the more confidence they will have in what they do. Past success, does not help a person in regards to what they are capable of at this moment. When the answer to the ability question is “not much,” how would we expect someone to be confident in that scenario. This is why our mission and goal as coaches and teachers is NOT to help kids have success. It is absolutely and most importantly always to help kids DEVELOP SKILLS and ABILITIES to be able to answer that question…. What can you do?

Also, when that becomes the focus, it provides the kid a straightforward answer to what needs to be worked on. Simply, whatever they cannot do right now is what they should be working on to be able to do in the near future. Confident players know their strengths and their weaknesses. They are not ashamed or embarrassed by their weaknesses, but instead use those areas of their game to guide their training and drive to improve. Unconfident players, ignore their weaknesses and try to pretend they do not exist. When those weaknesses are exploited, a player’s’ confidence in his level of play immediately plummets.

Instead of trying to build confidence and self-esteem through artificially, adult manipulated, worthless “victories” or prizes, confidence needs to be developed by making players confident in the skills they possess. In order for them to be confident in those skills, the focus for coaches, teachers, and parents should be to instill those skills, not confidence. Without the skills, there is really nothing for a child to be confident about. Again, yes, having success, winning, getting a good grade, makes anyone feel good, as it should. All I am saying is that it is critical to pay attention to the context in which those things are being accomplished. Are they being done in a way that it is earned by the children through the development of skills and knowledge, or is it being given to the children with little substance or value supporting that success? It is the simple difference between building confidence and building nothing in child.

Expectations

When a new season approaches, we anxiously wonder what is in store for us as practices begins and games are scheduled. All parents want their child to have a successful season, and I think most would define that by a child having fun and learning how to play the game. Although both of those ideas are very broad and “having fun” and “learning” means different things to different people. Some may feel “having fun” means winning, and “learning” means a child playing in their strongest position and improving those skills. Others may define “having fun” as the time spent with friends and developing strong relationships with other kids, and define “learning” as knowing more about the game at the end of the season than at the start of it. Then, you have everyone else who falls somewhere between both points of that spectrum. Obviously, this leaves room for disappointment and frustration for some as the coach’s approach will most likely not be inline with everyone’s definition of fun and learning. With this understanding, it is very important expectations of “having fun” and “learning” are clearly defined before the start of the season, so even if there is not a mutual agreement, at least a mutual understanding can be established.

What does your child want from their soccer experience? Both the parents and the coach should know the answer to this question for the player. This will help both manage the player’s expectations and be able to respond to the player appropriately when issues arise, or better yet, both the coach and parents can see issues coming and address them before they become a problem. With that said, what a player should expect needs to be shaped by the coach knowing what is best for the player from a developmental standpoint and the parents understanding what is best for the child as their parents. Again, there may be disagreement over those areas, but communicating those ideas with all parties and being upfront about it helps both work together.

What do you want? As a parent, you are also a “client” of the soccer club and it is important to have expectations of what you expect your child’s soccer experience to be like over the course of the year. Ideally, you would want to know if the club or coach meet those expectations before you commit to be on the team or part of the club, but that is not always possible. Although your expectations need to be realistic to your child’s playing level and age group, it is good to share those expectations with your coach or club director. If you are not sure about what to expect, you should look into what is known as “best practices” for coaching or teaching of players of your child’s age group and playing level. You can also just ask the coach. Sit down and discuss what you should expect throughout the year when it comes to your child’s playing experience.

What does the coach expect? All coaches are different and if you get the best coaches in the world in a single room to discuss what should be done to develop players and run a team over a season, there will be plenty of disagreement. Like many things, no one way is absolutely correct or absolutely wrong. Most approaches are a blend of what is know to be the best approach to help players and a coach’s personal philosophy or approach. The key is the purpose behind expectations and what is being done. Is it for short-term or long-term goals, is it based on research or just “that’s how it was done when I played”, or is it coach focuses or player focused. These key distinctions make a big difference in terms of the experience being a positive one for the player. Again, two coaches who have a long-term developmental approach, based on best practices and is player focused will possibly have very different expectations and approaches to the season. Parents and players need to have a very good understanding of what the coach’s expectations will be.

What does the club expect? Clubs are as diverse as coaches, players, and parents. All clubs have different goals and missions for their teams in different age groups and levels of competition. It is important to be clear on the club’s expectations in terms of leagues, tournaments, amount of traveling, the amount of training, playing time, and overall approach to games and the player experience. Based on the size of the club, the goals of the club, and the club’s priorities for player experience, what you can expect as a parent or player over the course of the year can be very different. Again, this is not a debate about right or wrong. It is more about what is right for your child, budget, time commitment, and goals for playing soccer at your child’s age group and skill level.

The hardest thing to do is align expectations between people who have different expectations. Although, an open discussion about expectations can give both parties a good base to align their individual expectations with each other. When expectations go unestablished, it leaves a lot of room for assumptions which usually leads to a season full of issues and misunderstandings. Although we all might not agree, it is much easier to have a mutual respect for one another’s opinions and actions when expectations are clearly outlines from the start of the season. By knowing where everyone stands, it is much easier to find common ground. Most importantly, by this type of collaborative approach, it is more likely the child playing the game will have a positive experience through the season which you expected.

Dealing with Strengths and Weaknesses

All players have a strength that they use frequently to give themselves an advantage on the field to have success, and they have weaknesses they try to hide to avoid getting beat. Often the strengths are heavily relied upon while weaknesses go unaddressed. When some players cannot use their strengths, they have no other way to find success. They only have one answer to any problem the game presents them, but unfortunately, that one answer does not always work. When the game challenges their weaknesses, they do not know how to compensate for that weakness and take away the ability of an opponent to take advantage of it. Players who are too one dimensional, who rely heavily on only one main strength and do not know how to deal with their weaknesses on the soccer field, are easily exposed and can be very ineffective against opponents who have a better understanding of how to play the game.

I have never met a “complete” player who did not have an aspect of their game that was not a “liability” on the field when they played. It is a part of the game for an opponent to try to expose a weakness in order to gain an advantage. Better players understand what their weaknesses are, and they understand how to compensate for them on the field. Often with a superior soccer mind, they avoid putting themselves in situations that their weakness can be taken advantage of by an opponent.

I was a short player, not very fast, but had a quick first step, and I was better at dribbling to keep possession versus dribbling to penetrate and get behind defenders. I was not going to win many balls in the air, I would lose a foot race with most players over 20 yards, and I did not have a lot of success getting behind players on the dribble. On top of that, I was a very much a one footed player, and my left foot was used primarily to keep me from falling over. Defensively, I was not strong enough to push or move players off the ball. With those weaknesses, how would I be effective in a game?

Within the game, players are constantly required to solve problems on their own and find ways to be successful. In order to solve those problems effectively, within their current strengths and weaknesses, players cannot be too reliant on strengths and they need to be exceptional at hiding their weaknesses. Players who tend to only do that same thing over and over again are easily negated from having any effect on a game by another player who understands how to take that advantage away. Players who do not understand their limitations will spend the game being exploited by an opponent who does.

I am Fast or I am Slow

A player’s speed or lack of speed can be one example. Players who are really fast tend to rely too heavily on their speed to be effective on the field. They will try to run in behind players to receive balls played forward, or when taking on a player 1v1, just try to run past them with the ball. When the opponent is slower, than this works and it is an advantage that can and should be used. But what happens when your opponent is faster than you? Now what?

This is where many players do not have an answer. A player who is use to having success based purely on speed quickly becomes frustrated by their inability to use that speed effectively. The player must have a way to still be effective in this scenario. They must have another answer to beating a player than just running past them with the ball. An aware player will quickly notice this lack of advantage and find another way to contribute to the game. The game has presented a problem, and they must have another solution outside of their speed. Often, youth players do not have another solution, and you can watch them try over and over again to run by a player, and consistently fail. They rely too much on their speed and have an underdeveloped soccer mind making it hard for them to impact the game.

On the flip side, if a player is slower than most players, how does the player avoid getting their lack of speed exploited on the field. One way great players deal with this is positioning themselves where they need to be to avoid making any situation in the game a foot race, or being better at anticipating the game and being a step ahead of their opponent mentally which takes reduces the advantage of the other player’s speed. If the player does not position themselves well and cannot be a step ahead mentally, a faster player who anticipates the game and positions themselves better will have a lot of success against a player who does neither.

I am Tall or I am Short

Unlike other areas of the game, there is no way to train a player to be taller. If there was, I would have found it by now. Being tall gives a player a clear advantage winning a ball out of the air. A shorter player would have trouble winning a “50-50” ball out of the air against a taller opponent. Does that mean the smaller players does not even challenge for the ball? Are there ways that the shorter player can be effective against the taller players?

For one thing, a smaller player may be able to position themselves better by being able to read the flight of the ball getting to the ball faster than the taller player. Also, the smaller player can use their body to off-balance the taller player to make it much more difficult for the taller player to get a clean shot at the ball.

If you are a taller player and great in the air, that will not help you much when the ball is on the ground. If you are playing a team who is smart enough to know that they are not going to win many balls in the air so they keep the ball on the ground, then how does the tall player contribute to the game? The tall player still needs to be excellent at positioning themselves to intercept passes and be first to the ball. A tall player cannot just rely on their ability to play out of the air, but will also need to be very effective with their feet and when the ball is on the ground.

I am Strong or I am Weak

Physically strong players may try to dominate and push through players on the dribble or physically remove a player from the ball when defending, but what about when their opponent is stronger? Now how does that player beat a player on the dribble or win a defensive battle? The player will need to rely more on their skill with the ball and their defensive positioning and timing of tackling the ball to have success. Without the physical advantage to rely on, the player will struggle to be effective against a physically equal or better opponent.

Now if you are the smaller player and not as physically strong player, you need to be able to play in a way to take some the physical battles out of the game. For example, a smaller player will need to be better with their first touch to move into space and away from defenders to avoid being pushed off the ball. If the player can be mobile and deceptive with their first touch, it is much harder for a physically dominate defender to make contact with the body to move the smaller player off the ball. Defensively, a smaller player is not going to push many players off the ball, so the player needs to anticipate the game very well to step into passing lanes and be patient to look for good opportunities to tackle the ball and poke it away from an attacking player.

I can Dribble or I can Pass

Some players are exceptional at dribbling the ball and taking on players 1v1. Although if that is the only thing they do, their actions become very predictable and defensively it becomes easier to anticipate what the player will do with the ball each time they get it. With little chance the player will pass the ball, defensively, a team can pressure the ball with multiple players without worrying about the player passing the ball into the space being exposed by the pressing defenders.

If a team is not giving a player time to turn and dribble to be dangerous offensively, then the player needs to be an attacking threat through distribution. As mentioned above, if a team is committing more players to try to defend one player, it leaves space exposed that the player being pressed could pass into to beat the pressure. Without the ability to pass accurately and with pace, or the tactical knowledge to recognize those opportunities, the player will quickly become ineffective.

This is also true for players who ONLY look to pass the ball. They get it and quickly pass it away no matter what is going on around them on the field. If a team picks up on the fact that a player poses no threat attacking forward with the ball, when the player is in possession, the team can drop off and take away passing lanes forcing the player on the ball to force a pass into a player who is marked or into smaller gaps on the field that are hard to play through.

If a player is being given space, and the team is challenging that player to move with the ball. The player must be able and confident enough to move with the ball to pull defenders out of position to create space to pass into or free a teammate up to pass to. Again, if a player is unconfident moving with the ball or attacking space, it becomes easier for the other team to anticipate what the player will do with the ball each time it comes to him. Now, do not get me wrong, playing quick one and two touch passes is great, but it can become predictable if players do not know or are not able to move with the ball at their feet and attack space when they are the person with the most space and time.

Most players are not great at everything, but players through good coaching and experience playing the game should be able to play away from their strengths when necessary and compensate for their weaknesses on the field (while trying to improve those areas of their game). A player cannot become too reliant on just one area of their game, and cannot allow a hole in their game to completely make them ineffective on the field. Both limit a player’s ability to play at consistently high level in any type of game and against all levels of opponents. There are always players who are bigger, faster, stronger, and technically and tactically superior. Based on the opponent, great players recognize when they can use their strengths to their advantage, when they cannot, and how to limit someone else’s ability to take advantage of weaker areas of their game. Being a very self-aware player, and having a great understanding of how to play the game, are two of the most important qualities of a high level soccer player.

The Point Missed

Now that another tryout season is over, I wanted to take a second to reflect on my experience in the process as a coach. One of the most glaring issues with tryouts, is not the process itself, but the perceived goals of tryouts. Why do we go through this process each year? We have not as a soccer culture found a better way, so this is the process we have at the moment. Obviously, it is an excruciating, anxiety ridden, long process, that no one really enjoys. Although, when hearing comments from parents, players, and coaches about tryouts, I feel there are some very important points about the process that are being missed. At the very least, if everyone can focus on some of these points and what really matters, and avoid being distracted by and burdened by the things that do not, the process can be a little more tolerable.

First, making a team or moving down a team is not be a reward or punishment by the coaches or a club. It is not a direct indication that a player improved or digressed over the course of the year. There are many variables and moving parts that determine the team a kid is placed on, so it is not a direct indication of the level of a player’s current ability or that that player’s future potential. The “level” of a first team or second team in a club is relative and the level of those teams change from year to year. A player could have improved over the course of the year, but still not be ready to move up on to the different team. A player may have digressed, but is still on the same level of team and is not moved down. That is why team placement is not as important as the simple fact of whether or not the player improved over the year.

You could say, “Well, shouldn’t a player be rewarded for all their hard work and moved up?” For me, the reward of the hard work is not making a higher team. The reward is getting better. Second, what is deemed as a “reward” (being moved up) could end up being a punishment. Just because a player is progressing, does not make it the right developmental move the player up if that environment is not appropriate for their continued growth.

For example, if your child is doing well in math class, and progressing in the right way, does it make a lot of sense to jump the child up into calculus before they are actually ready? I am pretty sure your child will not see that as a reward. If they are not ready, just because the class is harder, it will not help them become better at math or help them progress faster. In fact, it would probably discourage them pretty quickly, and previously made progress is lost.

This is why moving up a team is not a reward for a player who has worked hard. If a player is moved up, but is not ready, you can slam the brakes on their development progress and the game can quickly become a burden and point of frustration. It is a common misconception that playing against better players makes a player better. The asterisks next to that type of statement should read: “Only when it is developmentally appropriate!”

On the other side, being moved down a team is not a punishment or sign a player degressed over the year. Although a player may not have developed as much as needed over the course of a year, being moved down can be due to new players coming into the team or a coach’s belief that being on that team provides more opportunity, in more roles, in more situations, to develop faster than with their current team. The new team may provide the player to play more positions, take on a leadership role, not feel the need to defer as much to other players taking on responsibilities on the field in games and in training. All of which can have a significant positive impact to a player’s ability and confidence over the long term. Although, I would never expect a player to be happy about being moved down a team, as that would not be beneficial either, it is important the player sees what opportunities are provided in the move and how it can help them become a better player.

The point of tryouts is to place kids in most appropriate environment for them to improve, not to make teams stronger. If you are truly about player development, that is your primary goal when evaluating players and making teams. To my points above, there may be players who can make a team stronger from an athletic standpoint, but it is not the most developmentally appropriate place for the player as it will not provide opportunities for them to learn to do more with the ball. A player’s speed and strength can easily be exploited to help a team be stronger, without giving the player the opportunity to develop other areas of their game.

When placing players, the question asked should be, “Does the player have the correct balance of technical, tactical, physical, and psychological abilities to GROW (not compete) at this level?” I make the distinction between GROW and COMPETE because that is two very different things. A player may be able to compete at a level, but it does not provide enough opportunities to grow as a player.

Which brings me to my next point that is missed throughout the tryout process, that is irrelevant to team placement. In short, each player needs to continue to get better! That is the only goal and the only point to any of this (playing the game). Without improvement, continually, each day, each year, nothing else matters. The whole goal in a developmental, learning environment, is to get better, to be able to do more than you could do yesterday. Team placement should help a player achieve that goal, but being placed on a specific team is NEVER the real goal.

No one gets recruited because of the team they played for at U11. No one gets looked past because of being on the team they played for at U11. Players get recruited or have successful high school careers because of their ability to play the game at that time. By focusing on making a team versus getting better, you set yourself up to fail, as you are focused on something that will not help you be a better player. It has no value from that standpoint. As a player, your value is what you can do on the field, not what team you are on. “If you want to know the artist, look at the art.” You want to be able to paint your best stuff at 18 years of age, not 10.

An issue for many “first team” players, is there is a false sense of accomplishment, and they stop working and doing the things that helped them get to their current level. Over time, they slowly regress as others who have not lost the focus on getting better, slowly, or quickly, catch up or surpass them. An issue for “second team” players is they feel it has already been determined they are “not good enough” to play. When really, it is only been determined where the best spot is to continue to help them develop. The state of mind of being placed on either team can create an attitude and approach to the game that is not beneficial to the player.

Ego is the enemy of the process. Coaches want their teams to be better, parents want their child to be on the first team, and kids want to be on the first team. Not because it is the best place or the right thing for a player, but because it is a “status” symbol. “I coach a good team, so I must be a good coach. My child is on the first team, so I must be a good parent. I play on the first team, so I must be a great player.” In the end, none of those things may be true, and is why you cannot let ego and self-interest get in the way of doing what is best for each player to improve.

When coaches make it about rewarding or punishing kids, about making teams better, we all miss the point of the process, or what the process should be about, putting kids in the best situation possible to help them reach their potential overtime. It is about giving kids the opportunity to get better.

I believe I am part of a club who tries to do it the right way and makes the process as fair and objective as possible. With returning players, a body of work of the entire previous year was evaluated to help decide where a player was placed, and new players were focused heavily on by the coaches to try to get as much information as possible before making a decision on placement. When all is said done, although there is still a lot of room for improvement and players still get missed, the countless hours and very late nights reviewing players to form team helped make better decisions on player placement.

With all that said, none of it really matters if the focus on helping players get better is not the primary goal of the coaches and the parents. For the players, this is true as well. If the players are focused solely on which team they are placed on, they miss the greater purpose, which is always to try to be the best player and person possible by working hard at it each day.

The Difference that Makes the Difference

Over the years of training players of many different age groups and a range of abilities, one of my goals is to always make the training session challenging and enjoyable for the players. It has been my experience that when players find the activities challenging and are having fun, the players show the most amount of effort and focus. The difficult part of building a training session is combining both of those elements in a balanced and effective way. Challenging can mean a lot of things, and it is not hard to make any activity challenging. The hard part is making an activity APPROPRIATELY challenging for the player. The same is true for the enjoyment. It is easy to make a session enjoyable. Play “World Cup” with the players and they will be smiling ear to ear. Fun is necessary for development, but fun does not always mean that development is taking place. The difference that makes all the difference in an outstanding training session and development opportunity is challenging the player appropriately and making it enjoyable for the players without a loss of purpose.

Optimal learning occurs when an activity is just outside of a player’s current ability level. Meaning, the player is going to have to stretch his limits slightly to accomplish what is being asked. If the task is out of reach and completely not feasible due to current level or age (cognitive ability), then frustration will firmly take hold and the players will shut down. If it is too easy, there will be a lack of focus and players can develop poor training habits and technique.

Think of it this way... if your friend was an expert mountain climber and he asked you to go climb with him, what do you think a reasonable approach to teaching you would be? If he wants you to immediately take on an inverted cliff that is only for experts, it will probably be something you decline to try and you will not enjoy yourself. If he underestimates your ability and you spend the day walking up a slight incline on the side of a hill, you may find yourself bored and a little insulted by your friends opinion of your capabilities.

If he brought you to a climbing area that is appropriate for your level, and a little challenging, you will not only be willing to climb, but you will also learn more and enjoy yourself.

If a training activity is not going well and the kids are struggling with it to the point they begin to shut down or stop trying, there is a chance that I asked them to do something that is either too far out of their reach or possibly too easy. Coaches often mistakenly just take it as the kids being lazy or there is a lack of focus, and the coach may attempted to be corrected it through running or yelling. The kids could be having a bad day and not really focusing, but more often than not, the reason for a lack of effort is due to the appropriateness of the activity.

All activities can be tweaked to be more difficult or more simple to make it more appropriate for the players. When the challenge is appropriate, the players’ work ethic will improve. A challenge being appropriate keeps success in reach which keeps kids motivated to achieve the goal of the activity. When it is too easy, the goal has already been achieved. When it is too hard, the goal looks miles away with no clear path to get there. Keeping the activity appropriately challenging shows the path keeps the goal in sight and a guided path on how to get there.

The benefit of the activity being appropriate challenging makes it enjoyable for the kids. They have more fun trying to learn the skills, even if they fail at first, because they can see they are not that far off. I have used the example of video games before. If a level was impossible to beat, it would not be very fun to play. When a level is difficult but the kids make progress and keep getting closer and closer to beating it, they cannot wait to try again after they fail. Not to mention, they are probably having a blast. On the flip side, if the level was really easy and they beat it on the first try, I am sure the kids would think that level was boring. If the entire game was like that, they would probably stop playing.

Since enjoying training is part of making it optimal for learning to make that key difference in development for the players, the coach has to make an effort to make the sessions fun. Part of that, as already has been explained, is the activities being appropriately challenging. The other part of it is making sure the environment, while being competitive, is a place where the kids can feel safe to compete.

Fun is a slippery slope at training, as it can be in any situation. All coaches want their players to enjoy training, but it needs to be done in the context of the learning goals for the session. For example, a coach can have their team just “scrimmage” all session. Although there are some things developmentally good about that, and the players will have fun (at first), does that help the players reach their individual and team goals? Players would have fun at first but if the coach continuously just had the kids play at practice, and did little else, even that will eventually become boring for the players.

More importantly, although the activity is a lot of fun, how is it helping the players move closer towards their developmental goals? When kids play, they want to get better. When they come to training, they want to be challenged to move beyond what they currently do. Fun can quickly cause players to lose focus due to being too distracted from the task at hand or become bored as the “fun” has no direction.

Fun is important, but it has to add focus to the session. Not take it away. When the coach can make activities competitive and fun for the kids, while being appropriate challenging, the coach has created the best possible learning environment for the kids. The most enjoyable training sessions kids participate in are ones that fit this criteria. The coach challenged them, encouraged them, had fun with them, and provided an environment that would help them get better.

When designing your training sessions, do not create a session that is too complicated and far beyond your players’ ability levels. Also, avoid creating a session that is just nothing more than a series of Knock Out and World Cup type of activities. Although they are fun at times, they should be used as part of a means to the end, or in other words, a way to help players get to their next development level. It is easy to make a practice too hard or too easy. The difficult part of coaching, where the skill of craft resides, is being able to develop training sessions that make players train just slightly beyond their current level and they do it with a smile. That is the difference that will make all the difference for your players.

Things That Last

At the end of the each season, it is normal to try to take inventory of what was gained or lost over the course of the year. Each athlete who participates in sports gains something throughout the season. Either the player improved his ability and skill, understanding of how to play, became psychologically a tougher competitor, or grew stronger and faster. These are all important aspects of a player’s development that the player will be able to apply to the next season which will help him have more success in the coming years. In addition, we hope the player loves the game more now than when the season started, and that his hunger and joy to play have both grown and are insatiable.

But what about when there is not a next season? What about when the player is done competing, and playing sports is something that is in the rear-view mirror? At that point, what will the player take with him to help him move on to the next step in life? In other words… what really lasts? When there are no more games to play, here are a couple things that will stay with any athlete who had the courage to compete and learn how to play a game:

Active and Healthy Lifestyle

This may be the most obvious, but it is one of the most important things that lasts from playing sports, or I hope lasts for all players, as it positively affects all other areas of an athlete’s life. By playing sports, players tend to learn a great deal about the benefits of exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, and other healthy habits. This may be more true in some sports than others, but the hope is that the feeling of being in good shape, working hard, getting a good sweat, and that rush from pushing harder and a little farther than you thought was possible never goes away. In a small way, staying active is an avenue a former athlete can use to still compete, either against others or himself.

When an athlete leaves a hard practice or game, there is sense of accomplishment. A great feeling of how the body was pushed and feels stronger. Sometimes after a great game or training session, athletes feel like they can accomplish anything. It is a feeling athletes try to recreate by staying active or seeking out new physical challenges by staying active.

As a coach, this is one thing I really hope sticks for all players. I hope they stay active, and do not allow themselves to let unhealthy habits overcome healthy ones and an active lifestyle they have spent most of their lives being a part of in sports. Outside the lessons and skills of the game, these lessons, I believe are some of the most important for athletes to learn as they can be used throughout the rest of their lives.

Ability to Struggle Positively

Over the course of a playing career, all players will struggle... often. It is part of playing sports. It is expected, and overtime, athletes learn how to struggle positively. They embrace the struggle, look forward to it, feed off it, and understand it is required to improve. In fact, when there is no struggle, and there is no turmoil, it can cause more unrest as the athlete becomes concerned there is no opportunity for growth. They seek out the struggle. They look for paths of the most resistance rather than the least resistance. Not because they don’t know how to work smarter than others, but they know that usually the path of least resistance does not lead them to where they want to go. As it never has before.

With this in mind, athletes develop the skills required to struggle positively. They do not get bogged down or quit when things get hard. They struggle with a smile, and they learn to do it playing the game they love. It is not something they were taught. They had to do it in order to survive on the playing field, and it is what is required to survive the game of "life."

The Need to Help Others

Being a part of a team develops a need to help others that becomes a part of who players are for the rest of their lives. For a team to be successful, everyone must help one another to earn success as a group. A player learns to recognize success, not in just what they accomplish, but what they can help and inspire others to accomplish. To be able to help someone else achieve something they could not do on their own, is more rewarding than any other type of individual accomplishment. To feel whole, to feel successful, can only be achieved by helping others do the same.

This need to serve a greater cause outside of their own interests is part of why former athletes are often very active in their communities and serving others. It is what helped them be successful when they played, and it is what will help them be successful when they are done playing making influential contributions in their communities.

Willingness to Accept Help

This is the flip side of helping others on a team. Being a part of a team, a player needs to accept help from others. They learn they can achieve more with the help of others than they could ever do on their own. Many people refuse to accept help from others as they see it as a sign of weakness or openly admitting they cannot do it alone.

Through playing on a team, a player learns that accepting help is a sign of strength, and an indication of a greater understanding of what it takes to accomplish extraordinary things. They do not just accept help when offered, they often seek it out. Again, when talking about sports and teamwork, the willingness to help others and the willingness to accept help are two key habits that will benefit players for the rest of their lives.

Competition

The ability and willingness to compete is a necessary characteristic of any successful individual. This is not defined by an overwhelming need to win, but the courage to try to reach beyond what they are currently capable of doing, moving into an uncomfortable place, where they could fail. In short, being competitive means they have the courage to take risks. They have the courage to lose, and know how to overcome it. That is what defines a "competitive" person, and it is something I hope all athletes take away from the competition of sports.

Through sports, kids learn how to compete. They do not shy away from what is hard because they might fail. Instead, the embrace the difficulty and do their best even if it is not good enough win. They do not have a fear of failure. They have a fear of what would happen if they did not even try, and that is what it means to compete.

What it Means to Love

I saved this for last as I feel it is one of the most important things players learn from sports. It is often believed that loving something is easy and it only comes with happy feelings and the only is part of the best moments of your life. What is not talked about is the other side of love. The side of loving something that brings heart-ache and the hardest times a person will go through. With the highs and the joy comes the deepest lows and indescribable anguish.

But that is what it means to love. To love something you are willing to sacrifice for it, and even when it hurts you the most, your commitment to what you love never waivers. For something you do not love, maybe just “like” a lot, you will quickly walk away from it when things get hard or you do not get anything in return. But that is not love. To love something you give it your all without expecting anything in return.

Players who truly love to play a game learn this lesson, and learn how and what it takes to love. Often the game is their first love, and they are protective of it and committed to it. It gives them great pleasure and happiness to play, and even on their worst days, they would never want to be anywhere else. Overtime, they find out the reward for loving something so deeply is not what they get in return, but what they are able to give because of how much they love.

For me, this is the most important thing that can last from a child’s experience playing sports once all of their seasons are over.

Need More Than One Club In Your Bag

When working to improve a player’s finishing, the most important part is helping the player choose the right shot when going to goal. Although striking the ball well, with proper technique, power and accuracy are all important, a brilliantly struck ball with great technique, power, and accuracy can still not produce a goal. Finishing is not just striking the ball harder. It is more about striking the ball SMARTER. Just like a golfer cannot show up at the golf course with only his driver in the bag and expect to do well, a player cannot hit every shot on goal with just power and expect to score. Like a great golfer, you need a lot of different clubs in your bag to hit the right shot, at the right time, when the game demands it from you.

Watch a highlight reel of some of the best finishers of the game. Is every goal a laser hit from outside the penalty area into the side netting? I would bet that most of the goals are not scored that way. If you study the world’s best goal scorers, most goals are scored by the player being very aware of his surroundings and then taking the RIGHT shot to beat the defenders and the goalkeeper. Sometimes this type of shot is hit low and hard to the corner, sometimes it is a chip over a goalkeeper’s head, or possibly a ball hit with some bend to move outside of the goalkeeper’s reach and into the side netting. In all of these scenarios, the player made a decision about what type of shot he was going to hit based on what was going on in the game. Picking the right shot, at the right time, can create a moment of brilliance when the player finds the back of the net in an unexpected way.

Players who are not as savvy around the goal, probably would have just pulled out the driver and just hit the ball as hard as possible at the goal. By trying to strike the ball hard, the player will either miss the mark completely, or the ball’s path makes it easy for a goalkeeper to cut down the angle and make the save. A well positioned goalkeeper is very hard to beat by just hitting the ball hard.

Like a great golfer, great goal scorers look at the shot they need to hit, pick the right type of club (part of the foot/position of the foot), decide how hard they need to swing, and if they need the ball to be low, high, or curve the ball left or right. Then they try to hit that shot. A soccer player needs to do it in a fraction of a second while the golfer has some more time to think about it, and often, both do not hit the exact shot they would have liked. Even the best in the world, golfers and soccer players, miss the target more often than they hit it. Although they get a lot closer, more consistently than anyone else.

When working with players on finishing, this is what we are really trying to get them to learn. Not to just strike the ball hard with great power and accuracy, but to also pick the right shot at the right time to give themselves the best chance to score. A technically perfectly hit shot with great power and accuracy can still give the player little chance to score, but a well hit shot that makes sense in relation to where the player is to the goal, where the ball is in relation to the player, and where the goalkeepers and defenders are standing gives the player the best chance to have success.

Most players do not have the discipline from close range to use the inside or outside of the foot to slot the ball past a goalkeeper in the corner. Even from 10 yards away, the player steps in to try to hit the ball with an incredible amount of force that often causes the technique to break down. It is completely unnecessary to get that much power, but most players fail to see that causing them to miss easier goal scoring chances.

I get it. Hitting the ball hard is a lot of fun, but there are no bonus points for how fast the ball is going when it hits the back of the net.

On the flip side, when players are farther from goal, they need the ability and courage to not just step in and strike the ball hard, but try to aim at a part of the goal and hit the ball with more power. From distance, the goalkeeper has much more time to move to the ball, so a shot needs to have the right path, velocity, and be aimed at a target on the goal that keeps the ball as far away from the goalkeeper’s reach as possible until the ball crosses the white line. Most players are afraid to miss the target, so they hit a straight shot at the middle of the goal giving them little chance to score.

It is my preference for a player to give himself the best chance to score by aiming away from the goalkeeper rather than just hitting it somewhere on frame. I would rather see the player miss the target trying to give himself a chance to score than hit the goalkeeper in the hands with the ball because he is afraid to miss. I am not looking for a shot on goal. I want a player to try to score. Those are two different approaches.

On top of this, finishing is just another form of ball striking. It is the same as passing. All throughout a game, players pick their teammates out from different distances, often with incredible accuracy, when passing and moving the ball around the field. But when they get the chance to score, the mentality changes. A player who can drive a ball 30 yards to a teammate and hit him in the chest without the player having to move cannot hit the side of the goal from 10 yards away. Does that make sense?

Often in training, I will stand in the goal and tell players, “Pass me the ball.” One after the other, the players step up and play an accurate ball to my feet or drive a ball into my chest. Strange, those “passes” would all be brilliant finishes going to goal. What has changed? The approach and mentality of the player.

When passing, players, like a good golfer, are more concerned with getting the ball accurately to the target. With that in mind, players are more likely to “to pick the right club” and the right pass of the ball to get it to a teammate with pace and accuracy. When passing, players tend not to just blast the ball in the direction of their teammates hoping it gets there. Instead, they are much more calculated, and their consistency and accuracy are much better.

If players can take the same approach to finishing, realize they have more than just “one club in their bag”, it will make them much more efficient at putting the ball in the back of the net. Instead of the players only taking out their driver in front of the goal, they will utilize the other clubs in the bag to hit the correct shot to give themselves the best chance to score. As stated above, most players already do this in regards to passing and moving the ball around the field to their teammates, so the ability is there.

Like a great golfer, great goal scorers can hit the shot they need, when they need it, during a game to give themselves the best chance to score. Helping players become great finishers is not just about striking the ball harder or more accurate. It is about helping them to hit the ball SMARTER and picking the right shot, at the right time, that can create a brilliant moment when the ball hits the back of the net.

Development Requires Competition

Often when talking about development and soccer players, it is assumed you are reducing the importance of trying to win or the will to compete for the players. Since development is the focus, than whether you win or lose is irrelevant, right? No matter what, after each game, everyone is given a gold star, ice cream cone, and patted on the back and told they are great. The kids should feel no different after a loss than they do after a win. Results do not matter, so who cares who won, right? In reality, nothing can be further from the truth. In fact, competition is at the heart of development and learning.

When I was a kid, part of the reason I trained so hard was because I hated to lose. I still to this day despise losing at anything. With that in mind, I also had a coach who made it crystal clear that in order to give myself the best chance to have success, I had to get better. It is not enough to show up at a game and want to win really really really badly. It is not enough to show up and just feel like you can work harder than everyone else on game day and expect to get positive results. From early on, my coaches, and parents, made me earn every ounce of success I had on the field by helping me understand it would be a direct result of what I was learning and how I was improving.

Part of any player’s development is learning how to compete, and what is required to have success on the field. The problem is that kids can be set up and put into situations by adults to have success without earning it, to be set up to win without having to compete. I call it “bumper bowling success.” By manipulating the kids’ actions or the challenges of their environment to make things easier or only asking them to do what they already can, success is handed to players. The success is not earned.

When players are set up to succeed, they are not really being asked to compete at all. Although a player can have success initially, eventually without the development and learning, the success will end. The player may have assumed he was getting better due to the wins or positive reinforcement from the coach or parents, but all of a sudden he will find himself in a situation where he has no chance of being successful. Without the fundamental skills to play the game, there is no way he can compete. Not only will he not know how to compete, the player will also lack the tools to even give himself a chance.

Is there a crueler thing to do to a child? Make them believe they are heading down the right path, when actually, they are going the wrong way.

It is really a simple concept. The players all need, and should, develop a desire to win when they play. But, you know what, if they want to win, then they need to learn how to play and earn it. They need to compete the right way and try to finish first. That is how life works. There is no logic in wanting to win and not wanting to learn the skills needed to play. This is true in school, business, sports, and every aspect of life. You should want to do well and want to have success. Not for the sake of the success, but for the fact that is the standard you hold yourself too. And that is what kids need to learn. If you do not want to learn how to play soccer, you do not want to learn how to control the ball, dribble, pass, receive, defend, move off the ball, and everything else needed to play, then you really do not want to compete at all. You really do not have a strong enough desire to win because you are not willing to do what is necessary to win, not once, not just now, but for as long as you play.

Winners, true competitors, win because they work harder than their competition to get better. They want to win, so they know they need to get better. They work hard, get better, and win they win more than those who do not. As they win, the competition gets tougher so they still strive to continue to improve.

When players do lose, there are plenty of lessons from the loss that need to be addressed and learned by the players and the coach. A "development-first" focus is not saying, “Hey, we lost. No big deal.” There is no room for learning or development in that statement. Developing players is using those times to look at the games and identify where the team and each player need to improve to get better. Again, development is key. The players are asked to reflect on what went well and what did not, and how can they replicate the things that worked and improve on the things that are currently out of their reach.

On the other side, a loss does not mean that the game was a waste, and that is where the line is drawn. Those who just want to win, and do not care about development, fail to find the important takeaways from those games. The only thing focused on is the fact that the player or team lost. If a team loses but the players are executing and utilizing skills learned throughout the week with the coach, then there is success there that needs to be recognized and acknowledged.

When any player or team tries new skills or tactical approaches on the field, it does not work perfectly the first time or the first full season attempting what is being learned. While trying to learn those skills, the players and team expose themselves to a higher possibility they will lose some games. Not until they have mastered those skills will the players have the best shot at winning playing that way and using the new skills.

This is where the lessons are found when a player loses. Those lessons are what they take back with them to training to work on to improve before next game. If the approach is “who cares that we lost,” then it does not give the kids goals to work towards at the next training session. On the flip side, if the kids are just scolded for losing and their attempt to use those skills are not recognized and praised, then what is their motivation to continue to get better at those skills or try them again?

In training and in games, competition is key for player development. The drive to win and have success on the field is connected to the drive to improve and get better at the game. A player cannot only focus on one or the other as it would not allow the player to develop. If a player just wants to win, but is not willing to train to improve, there will be no development and winning is not possible. If a player just wants to get better but does not want to win, then they have no reason to use what they are learning. If you cannot use what you are learning, why learn it? And frankly, if you do not want to win, there is no reason to play.

Competition is healthy when it is presented in the correct way to the players. We cannot ask kids to compete without giving them the tools to play the game, and we cannot ask them to develop the tools if we do not want them to compete. It is when winning is the only goal and the development is sacrificed in order to take short cuts to help players “cheat” themselves into a win and out of getting better that competition is grossly warped by adult influence.

The purest form of competition can be found in the streets and parks when kids play pick up on their own. With no adults or added external pressure, the kids will still compete because they want to win. Because they want to win, they will take risks, take charge, and assert themselves into the game. This is part of why “free play” is an important part of player development. Free play creates some of the most competitive environments kids will find themselves playing.

When someone mentions favoring a player development focus over a focus on winning, it does not mean that winning is not important. It usually means that the goal is to develop players which requires learning how to compete and win games, but there is no room for taking shortcuts to win a game if you want to create an environment to develop players. As with a developmental approach, it is understood there are no shortcuts to developing players but plenty of short cuts to win games.

The Wrong Message

This article is in response to a disheartening conversation I had with a local youth soccer coach. He is part of a club who is trying to do the right things for the youngest age groups by providing a playing and training experiences that are age and developmentally appropriate. They are trying to create an environment where players can flourish while learning to play this game. They are providing a platform for games and training that goes against traditional leagues and archaic approaches used by many. For as much progress as I feel we are making in our community and across the country, I am continuously baffled by adults who not only want to put kids in an environment that is inappropriate for their age and level of play, but consistently send kids the wrong message that I feel is detrimental to their development on and off the soccer field. In short, the coach has arranged inter-squad games for all the teams in the club’s age group. The kids are intermixed among teams and play games against one another. The coaches referee the games, and use the opportunity to stop the games at teachable moments to help the kids learn. This type of game environment is fantastic for the young age groups as it allows them to compete against and with different players, and expand their understanding of how to play the game. The coaches can influence the games to make sure the environment is developmentally appropriate and challenging for the players. Upon hearing that these were inter-squad friendlies, the coach received many emails and calls from parents letting him know that their child would not be there. The most common reason given to the coach was, “It is not a real game, so I do not think it is important.” If you need a visual image of my reaction to hearing that, just picture me banging my head repeatedly against a wall. Where to start…. First, this sends the absolute wrong message to the player. At some point, the player will wonder why he is not going to the event. If the parents are being honest, they will tell the player, “Well because it is not a game, so it is not important for you to go. We are going to do something else.” When there are conflicts in schedules and kids have to miss a soccer practice or game, that is completely understandable, but to just choose not to go because it is decided it is not important is a completely different situation. What message does this send to the player? The only thing that really matters is games. Anything that is not a “real game” or does not count is not important. Is that the message we want to send to kids? If this is the message, it will be difficult to get the players to put forth effort in practice or encourage the them to play and practice on their own. Why would they? It is not important. Why would they waste their time? They will just put effort in and show up when it matters. Only for the games. As that is what has been taught. Isn't this approach a little backwards? I do not think a parent would tell a child that everything done in the classroom is not important until it is time to take the test. No matter how much effort the child shows or how much he wants to do well on the test, the fact that little effort and importance was given to the preparation for the test, the child will be set up to fail. But that is obvious right? It would be irrational and silly to think the child would do well on the test without proper preparation and learning leading up to it. If the child “skipped” all the unimportant lessons before the test, the test will quickly and harshly show the importance of those lessons. In my mind, everything that a player does outside of a “real game” is the most important part of their development. It is the preparation and training, the opportunities to improve, that are really the most critical moments for players, and that is what each player needs to understand. And parents need to support that message. Without that message being supported, when kids do compete, they will be unprepared. There will be a lack of ability to play the game, and a lack the ability to compete. Secondly, kids cannot just show up and want to compete when they think it matters. Competitors do not just compete on game day. We want kids to compete and give their best effort at all times. A message that has a resounding positive impact on all aspects of their lives. You do not just “show up” some of the time. You show up and work hard all the time. Whether they are playing on their own, at practice, or in a championship game, their effort and focus, should not fluctuate. Competitiveness and drive to do well and have success should be the same no matter what the circumstances. Frankly, it is a mindset that cannot be turned on by just flicking a switch when convenient. The toughest competitors I have ever played with or against played just as hard or harder in training or on their own as they did in the game. Why? They knew it was critical for them to get better, and they needed to develop their ability to compete at all times. When you start picking and choosing when you will do your best, you run the risk of picking and choosing the wrong times. But there is never a wrong time to give your best effort. As my coach said to me, “When you play, anywhere or at anytime, you never know who is watching, but most importantly, you should always play and compete in a way that makes you proud.” You cannot expect kids to approach the game, or other things more important than soccer, this way when we start telling them it only matters when a score is recorded, credit is given, or there is some type of reward. In reality, it is every moment leading up to that moment that is much more important, and that is what we hope each child will recognize so they do have success when it counts. That is the message we want to send kids...that their best effort is always required. It is what life demands of all of us. Do not pick and choose when you can give 25% or 75% effort. If you are going to do it, the effort is always your best. That is a sign of a true competitor, on and off the field, and someone who takes pride in everything thing they do. I feel most parents want their child to improve and learn how to play the game. If so, why would we label training and playing opportunities designed to help kids improve as “not important” because it is not a real game? If that is the case, why show up to any practice, ask kids to play or practice on their own, or participate in anything with a soccer ball unless it is a game. Unless there is an opposing team, a referee, and the score is going to be recorded for league standings, it is not important or worth your time going is the message being sent. Obviously this idea, goes way beyond the soccer field. The wrong message is letting kids believe that some aspects of learning or developing any skill are more important than others. When in reality, there are no short cuts, and everything is important. I think this is a key trait of very successful people. They pay attention and give effort at the same level to the small details as they do to the major ones, and in their mind, they probably do not see a difference between the two. If it is a step, even a small one, to help them reach their goal, it is critical and it is approached that way. This is probably why successful people are also labeled as “zealots” in a lot of ways because of their attention and effort to details that most people see as irrelevant or not important. Although it may seem strange to most, true competitors know different and it shows in their results. Again, this is not a rant about kids missing practice. This is about prioritizing what a player attends because some things are seen as more important than others. Kids will miss practice because families are busy and there are conflicts with other activities. This is not only acceptable, but it should be expected. What was heart breaking about this is that the coach was trying to create a playing opportunity for the kids that will help them get better, and parents made a choice for their kids not to attend because they decided it was not important. Since it was not a real game, it was not important enough to show up. If we want kids to be successful when they compete, then everything leading up to that is important. And that is the right message to send, and one that will help the kids have success in anything they choose to do.

Can Parents Be Objective

No. Parents cannot be objective when it comes to their child. I have only been a dad for a short time, and I already know I will never be completely objective when it comes to my kids. My opinions about them or reactions to situations involving them will always be influenced by the fact that they are my kids. Even when consciously trying to be objective, parents still fall short as they cannot sever all emotion when it comes to their child. To not have any type of bias for their child is a completely unrealistic and unreasonable expectation to put on a parent. As I heard one parent put it, “My child is my heart. When I look at him, I see my heart outside of my body running around on the field playing.” Not only a heartwarming sentiment, it is probably an accurate description of how most parents see their kids. If this is true, can coaches really ever expect a parent to approach a situation as objective as they would like? Instead of expecting parents to view a situation from only a coach's perspective, a coach can utilize a parent's subjective perspective to help do a better job in coaching the parent's child.

First, by having an open understanding of how parents will react to some decisions will help a coach avoid approaching situations with parents regarding their child with a combative, “I don’t understand what your problem is,” attitude. By having empathy to how a parent can be over protective and sensitive to how their child is treated or made to feel, a coach can communicate in a way that shows he understands the parent's feelings versus communicating in a manner that dismisses their feelings as nothing more than just irrational.

Great youth coaches are not just good at relating and teaching players. Great coaches are also exceptional at communicating and collaborating with parents of the players on the team. From the beginning, excellent youth coach do not take a “you vs. me” approach with the parents when it comes to helping the kids. Instead, they understand they have a very important role, and the parents are showing a tremendous amount of trust to allow the coach to be a part of their child’s soccer development.

When there are bumps in the road over the course of the season, it is inevitable there will be disagreements between the coach and parents. It should be expected, not a surprise. Most of those "bumps in the road" will be the way something is perceived by a parent that happened or may not be happening with their child. It is natural that parents have an urge to protect their children. It is a healthy urge and it is probably better than not caring at all. Being too far on the other side of the protective spectrum of protectiveness is not beneficial for the player, but I believe most parents fall in the middle.

Coaches run into trouble when they treat parents who have concerns like irrational people who are bordering on a psychotic episode versus treating an upset parent like an upset parent. When working with parents, I try to approach it from three perspectives:

1. How did I see it?
2. How did the parents see it?
3. How did the player experience it?

When meeting with a parent about their child, by looking at all three of these perspectives, understanding the reasoning behind them, it helps find an appropriate resolution for everyone, and most importantly, it will benefit the player. When parents know that you care about how they perceive what is going on (even if you don't agree), you try to work with them to help them understand your perspective (even though they might not agree), and provide insight into what is going on with their child, it creates transparency in the process for everyone involved. It allows everyone to begin to see the same picture and share an understanding of each others expectations. Although understanding does not equate agreement and full support, understanding allows for a mutual respect of each person’s perspective.

There is no benefit to anyone for a coach to simply dismiss a parent’s frustration as the parent being irrational or just believe the parent does not get it. On the flip side, it does not benefit anyone for the parent to immediately believe a coach is "out to get" their child or is intentionally treating their child unfairly. Although both could be true, I think part of a youth coach’s job is to help parents work through some of the frustrations they are bound to experience as their child plays sports, and the parents need to listen to the coach's rational for his approach before jumping to conclusions. As parents get more frustrated and the coach becomes less responsive, the only person who really begins to suffer is the player. There are times when there will never be agreement between the coach and the parent, but a mutual respect can be established and kept with open lines of communication and a willingness to see things from another person's perspective.

Coaches cannot head into a season thinking parents are going to be objective about what goes on with their child. When coaches do, and seem shocked or angered by a parent’s reaction, then they are also not being objective in the way they are interpreting the situation. The coaches are only viewing it from their own point of view about how they think the parent should feel or act. The coaches are not opening up their own understanding of where the parents are coming from in regards to their child.

When I was not a parent, it was harder for me to ask this question, but I ask it now all the time, “If that was my child, how would I react?” Even if I would react differently, it starts me thinking from the parent’s perspective and helps me anticipate how a parent will perceive my actions. This either convinces me to take a different course of action, or if I still feel what I did or need to do is right, I find a way that would help me as a parent understand the decision that was made. In essence, what would I want or need to hear if that was my kid?

I am not giving parents a pass to just overreact to everything that happens to their child. As stated, although it is expected parents will not be completely objective when it comes to their child, it can be expected for parents to listen to a coach's reason behind decisions before forming their own conclusions. Honestly, I do not think that is how most parents approach things with their child anyway. The problem is some parents do go overboard, and they do not try to talk with the coach and just jump to conclusions. Then other parents, who want to address a concern the right way, are treated like an irrational parent by the coach when a concerned is raised. Most parents have rational concerns when it comes to their kids, and the coach can, and should, be there to help alleviate those concerns or be a sounding board for parents to express their concerns. By working together, the coach and parents become partners, not adversaries, in the child’s soccer experience.

So, again, can parents be objective? For the most part, no, but I know many try to be to some degree. But you know what? Most coaches have a hard time being objective too although they try to be. With that in mind, how about we all put aside our pride and fear of being wrong, and be willing to work together to improve the child’s soccer experience by seeing things through a wider and more comprehensive lens than just our own biased view. The coaches and parents who approach issues with mutual respect for each other's subjective view points find it easier to come work together in the best interest of the player.