Balance Development and Winning?

It is parent teacher conference night at your child’s school. Excited to hear about what your child has been doing so far this year, you enter the classroom with the other parents and wait to meet the teacher. As you are waiting, you look around the room at all the posters on the walls and notes on the board. It looks like the kids have been busy, and it is a great environment for your child to learn and grow. You see different lesson plans, motivational quotes on the wall, and the entire classroom looks very organized. Impressed with what you see, you assume your child has a great teacher this year.

The teacher enters the room and heads right to the front of the class, like he does every day, and prepares to address the parents. The teacher scans the room and welcomes the parents saying, “Thank you all for coming. It has been a great start of the year and I think you will be impressed with what we are doing each day in this classroom.” 

The teacher walks over to a switch on the wall to dim the lights. Turning on his IPAD, a PowerPoint presentation comes up on the big screen in the front of the room. The first slide reads, “Welcome to Mr. Smith’s Classroom.” The teacher begins by talking a little about himself and his teaching experience. Again, everything sounds great, and you are impressed with his credentials. On the next slide, Mr. Smith introduces his approach to teaching the kids this year. He describes his focus with the kids as a “balance between learning and getting high test scores.”

A stunned silence consumes the room and as you look around, you can see other parents who share your same perplexed look. The silence is broken by a mom blurting out, “What does that mean?” With confidence, the teacher replies, “Well through the year we will be doing as much learning as possible, but will need to take time to make sure your child gets high test scores as well. So, at times, I will be skipping some “less important” things to focus more time on making sure your child will score higher on the test. We will spend time on test taking strategies and focus only on what will be asked on the test. This will take away from some other things they need to learn, but their test scores will be higher.”

Bewildered by what you just heard, you raise your hand quickly. When called upon, you ask, “I thought the point of school was to teach and for my kid to learn. Shouldn’t that be the only priority for you?” The teacher quickly snaps back, “You want your child to fail the test?”

Although this is a hypothetical, the point of it is to show how we may want a different approach in the classroom for our kids. As a coach, I consistently read articles and hear coaches talk about a legitimate need to balance development and winning with their teams. It makes as much sense as a teacher defending a need to balance a child learning and getting high test scores in the classroom. We want kids to learn and have success whether on a test or in a game, but there is not a need for a balance between the two. There needs to be a strong focus on just one!

Like a teacher, the critical job of a youth coach is to teach and develop young kids. Each day, each practice (or lesson),  is about what the players need to learn today that will help them learn what they need to learn tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. Just like in the classroom, on the soccer field, or in any sport, the goal is to learn and get better. The goal is for the kids to have the opportunity to expand their understanding and knowledge of a subject in order to continue to grow. The hope is that their ability over time will vastly exceed our own. I hope our goal is not as naive and short-sighted as just doing well on a test or winning a game. The focus of anyone who is trusted to teach young kids should be much bigger and more influential on the kids’ entire lives. 

Besides, and not to openly state the obvious, but when learning and development is truly the goal of the approach, the top priority, higher test scores or winning will occur naturally overtime because  the kids are actually learning and getting better. But the reverse, taking the backwards approach by focusing on only teaching to a test or to get a win, the kids often do not learn much or grow much further beyond their current abilities and skills.

If a teacher teaches to a test, in essence the teacher is asking the kids to memorize material and regurgitate it back when asked in multiple-choice format. A kid can do well on the test by memorizing the material but have no true understanding of the information and will most likely forget it quickly afterwards. The same is true on the soccer field. 

A coach can have the players play in a manner that will help them win without really teaching and giving them a better understanding of how to play the game. Strategies like, “Kick it forward up field” or “just kick it out” are ways to help getter better results without the kids learning much. Not letting the kids take risks and try skills in games is a way to avoid mistakes that lead to a team getting scored on. A fast, aggressive, big and strong, group of 9 year olds who just kick the ball forward and chase after it, who rarely try to pass or control the ball, and who avoid taking risks WILL WIN A LOT. But at the end of the season, despite a shelf full of trophies, there will be little improvement or grow. 

Some coaches may say the balance is in when, or the situation, that the team tries to play the right way versus just trying to win the game. If it is a “big game” like a championship game in a tournament or a “rival club,” they will coach the game differently. They will coach the game to get the win than to teach. The other games that do not “mean as much,” the coaches let the kids try to play the game more, allow them to take more risks and work on weaknesses of each player and the team. 

For me this is why there is no such thing as a balance between winning and development. In this example, that coaches give all the time, shows a severe lack of balance. In reality, the coaches are teaching their players skills and how to play the game, but when it “really counts” the players are not given the chance to use the skill taught. The only time the coach is allowing the players to try to play the game in a way to help them develop is when the game is easy enough to ensure a win. That is not a balance. It is very strong bias towards getting a win. So, in both situations, the focus is still winning. It is never about the development, as it never gets to be the priority. If it was the priority, the “stakes” of the game would be irrelevant. The focus of the coach would always be the same.

The next time your child brings home an “A” on a test, ask him to explain what he learned or the information the test was about. You may be a surprised by the response or lack of response depending on the approach leading up to the test. The next time your child wins a soccer game, ask him, “What did you get better at today?”  Again, depending on the approach, there might not be a good answer.

We become fixated on measuring success in artificial ways that give us a false sense of accomplishment or indication of growth. When in reality, the only measure of success and growth that is accurate is IF you can do something you could not do before, understand something that was previously beyond your comprehension, or attained the tools to use that skill and knowledge together in way you could not before. 

There is no need for balance between development and winning. Just teach and develop players. If that is your goal, the winning will take care of itself (in time). More importantly, your impact on the players will last much longer than a single win or single season. When a coach talks about a balance between winning and development, all I hear is “I really do not understand the point of my job.” The “balance” is just a somewhat ridiculous way to try to hide the fact that the coach is not that interested in teaching and developing players as much as the final score of each game.

If you're not going to Teach, Why Coach?

It is a simple question to address a serious problem among youth coaches. Many people want to coach and enjoy doing it most of the time, but are not really interested in actually teaching the game. They may want to support the kids, encourage them, be their “buddy”, but a lot of those feelings come to a screeching halt the moment a child or a team begins to struggle. Immediately, the blame for the struggle falls on the players. According to the coach, the players are not focusing enough, not working hard enough, or just simply are not capable of “getting it” due to their current level. It is not considered whether or not there is something THE COACH can do differently to HELP or TEACH the players. It is just assumed the kids are incapable or have made a choice that they do not want to learn.

It would be nice if children did exactly what is asked, and they all learn in the same way and at the same pace. If a coach could just say, “do this” or “learn that” and each kid is magically fully capable of performing, coaching would be a much easier profession. Of course, that would not be coaching or teaching. It would be simply “telling” and expecting immediate compliance, and that is not the world we live in. In the world we live in the sky is blue, and kids (like adults) are all very different and often do not do exactly what is asked or meet our expectations right away. The world we live in requires coaches to TEACH to help kids improve. It requires patients, creativity, empathy, and a firm belief that every child is capable of learning what you are teaching. It requires the coach to be willing to consistently examine and critique his approach to decide if it is the best way to reach the players.

Is that not what we ask of the players? Is it acceptable for a player to try something once, fail, and then quit trying? Is it acceptable for the player to pass the blame on to someone else or just assume they cannot do it? For players to learn and develop they must take different approaches, and give themselves time to practice the skills coaches are trying to teach them. If the coach gives up before the player has learned it, why would we expect the players to continue try on their own? For a coach to quit when it gets hard, or to refuse to do what is difficult, does not set a good example for the players. When an approach does not work, it should not immediately be put on the kids and made to be their fault. When it does not work, the coach should find another way. He never quits… as that is the same expectation he has for his players.

“You have not taught until they have learned." – John Wooden

We are too quick to blame the kids or assume it is something they are doing, or not doing, without taking a second to look in the mirror and decide if WE CAN DO BETTER. That is coaching, that is teaching, and that is what kids, who look for us for support, deserve. If you are not willing to do that or are not really interested in teaching, than why coach? Teaching by definition is helping someone do something or learning something that previously was beyond their reach. That is not an easy task no matter what the subject. If you are really interested in teaching, than you not only EXPECT there to be struggle and setbacks, but you know they are necessary to accomplish your goal. Without a certain level of discomfort and uncertainty, there is never any growth.

Now, if you are in the “well some kids just do not want to learn” camp, then you really have stumbled into the wrong profession. It is just an excuse. That is it. An easy cliché to fall back on when something you try does not work or a player is making it more difficult than you would prefer. A real teacher will never fall back on this reasoning because it does not make sense. It is not at the core of what a teacher or coach is all about. It goes against everything educators stand for. A coach believing a kid does not want to learn, is like an artist believing something cannot be drawn or a scientist believing some problems cannot be solved.

Why do I believe that? Because we all are born wanting to learn. It is what we do from an early age. We are constantly interacting and trying to better understand our world around us from the day we are born. We are built to learn and grow, and I have not met anyone who really does not want to continue to grow in some capacity. In my time in schools and at the soccer field, I have met plenty of coaches and teachers who are not that interested in teaching, but I have not met a single child who did not want to learn.

If you are looking for a group of players who already have all the needed skills, who already know what is needed to know about the game, and who will put up little to no resistance along the way, then you want to be a babysitter, not a coach (or teacher). Real teaching is a battle, and I do not mean that in the normal sense. It is not a battle between the teacher and students or the coach and the players. It is a battle between the coach and himself. It is the battle between the part of the coach who wants to do it his way and the side who knows he needs to do it differently to help the kids. It is the battle between making excuses and finding solutions. It is the battle between blaming circumstances and changing the situation. It is the battle between ego and expertise.

So I go back to my original question. If you are not really interested in teaching, why coach? If you do not want to take the time to do all you can to help each player learn and grow, are not willing to roll up your sleeves and go to work, accept setbacks, learn from failure, be creative and grow your ability to reach kids, then why put yourself through the stress of coaching? Some may say they just like to coach kids, but “just being there” is not enough and it does not equate to coaching. You cannot just show up and the kids will get better. Just like the kids cannot just show up and get better. They have to put in effort and focus on the task at hand, but the coach is the one who has the ability to create an environment for that to happen.

Every kid can be reached, every kid can learn, every kid can be inspired to want more and expect more, but it requires a coach… a teacher, who is willing to do everything necessary to help that child find his path and reason. That is what a coach does. That is, by definition, our job.

Tryouts... Really?

Tryouts are part of club soccer and something any player who wants to participate must go through at some point in the current system of youth soccer. Throughout the country, club teams all have their own approach to selecting kids and placing them on teams for the upcoming year. Often, the identification process is influenced by the rules of the governing leagues or state associations, so players’ experiences may be different depending on where they live. These rules dictate when and how tryouts can be done and the manner in which organizations notify players about which team they made or did not make. Despite these differences, tryouts all share many of the same frustrations and anxiety saturated situations that make the experience less than ideal for the players and the their families.

A question I have about the tryout process… Is there a need for tryouts for majority of the kids who attend? You may be asking yourself what I mean. Let me explain. For most clubs, the majority of the kids at tryouts are kids who participated with the club the previous year. For the past 10 months, those players have been practicing and playing games with the same staff who is now “evaluating” them during a tryout to decide their placement for next season. Are these players spots going to be determined by their development over the past 10 months or by a few days of tryouts? Which makes more sense?

I would assume that the previous 10 months of coaching and watching those players practice and compete would be enough information to determine where they should be placed for next year. What are the same coaches going to see in an extra three days of tryouts (roughly 3 to 4 hours) that was missed throughout the entire previous year? If the club was organized in a way to allow all the coaches for a particular age group to interact and coach all the players in that age group over the course of the year, it would be very easy for those coaches to look at that group of players and decide where each player should be placed before going through any type of “tryout” process for the following season.

For these players at tryouts, what can they do to help or hurt their chances of making a certain level team? Does a player who struggled during the season get the nod to move up a team because of a good day at tryouts? Or vice versa? I cannot see a coach moving a kid down a team due to struggling at tryouts after having an outstanding year. If a coach or club’s approach with returning players is that their placement on teams is solely based on the tryout, and the previous year is not considered, then I can see a need for those players to "tryout" as it is an actual tryout since everyone is starting with a "clean slate" and performance in those couple of days will determine placement. Since this is not the case, there is not a real need for those players to go through that process. Nothing is gained or lost for those players, so to call it a “tryout” is misleading and can create the wrong impression of what is going on for both the players and parents. Players show up looking to show their best, but in reality, probably a lot has already been determined before showing up (and it should be).

Think of it from a different perspective. If you were a coach who wanted to be rehired to coach next year, how would the club determine whether or not to bring you back? I think we would want to be evaluated over our body of work from the entire year versus having the club bring coaches in for a couple days to to run a couple sessions, and based on those sessions, it is determined whether which teams we coach or not given a team to coach. As coaches, I think we would logically ask, "Why is my placement being based on a couple of training sessions, when a significantly more comprehensive amount of information is available to evaluate my performance as a coach?"

What about the “bubble” players? Even with these players, I think coaches have a pretty good idea of where they fall, and again, I do not think a couple days of tryouts make a difference for these players either. If players were close in ability during the season, I do not think it makes sense to use tryouts to set them apart. I think that is an easy way out for coaches or club. Instead of really sitting down and analyzing how each player did over the course of the year, strengths and weaknesses, potential for growth, attitude, consistency, etc… it is easier to just let the kids compete for one or two more days and pick who came out on top. Easier for us to say, “Hey, it was close, but this player had a better tryout” than “we took some time to really look at the season as a whole and this is what we decided.”

If those players are not at tryouts, we might lose them because they go to another club’s tryout. If a player wants to change clubs, they will change clubs. Having them attend your tryout does not stop that from happening. If the club has provided great value and experiences to the player over the course of the year, then why would the player leave? If the club did not, having the players attend tryouts just tries to limit options due to fear a player will leave because of not following through on what was promised previously. In short, that is not a good enough reason.

One of the HUGE benefits of this would be the ability for the staff to really focus on evaluating and working with new players. The coaches can spend extra time getting to know the players and families of kids who are trying out for the club for the first time. Working with them in a smaller group environment and being able to spend the limited time of tryouts really getting an understanding of the players’ abilities and goals. When there is a massive number of kids at tryouts, everyone gets lost in the crowd. Each player gets limited time on or around the ball and has much fewer opportunities to be evaluated by the staff. Even with more evaluators, often there is not enough information gained during the tryouts to really have a good evaluation to base a decision on how, where, and why to place a kid on a team. Often, with imperfect and incomplete information, there is a lot of “guessing” on where newer players should be placed or not placed, and there is more of a chance for error.

Even if you want the returning players to attend tryouts, why not be up front and let them know, that they are not being evaluated during that time. Those players’ evaluation and placement is based off the entire previous year, and not just a couple of days. It could be good to have the players there to interact with new players, and to see how new players interact with current players. But, the focus of the coaches can still be solely on the new players to try to gain as much insight about their current level of play and where a good place within the club would be for that player. It is a great service to provide for the kids who are showing an interest in your club or team.

Although this is a big change (or maybe not), it would not be that hard to implement, and I think it would be a welcomed change for players who are currently part of your club. It is tremendous customer service from the parent’s and player’s perspective. The club is saying, “We have done our job to coach and teach your child over the past year. We are very familiar with his or her abilities and will place him or her based on our observations over the past year.” If the player is nervous about placement, as many kids have an idea where they stand, they can take that time to look at another club as well, which they probably would do anyway. The tryout process is not a couple of days at the end of the year anymore, but instead a culmination of what a player has done over the course of the season. Now, when the season is over the player can relax, and trust the coaches to make the best decision based on what the player has done all year. I think we all would prefer to be evaluated in this manner, over what we have done over an extended period of time, versus just a couple days.

An even bolder idea would be for the clubs to offer spots before tryouts to all the current players. Then, tryouts are used to help each team meet its individual needs, and spaces left on the roster from players declining a spot. If a club is really focused on developing players, than it should not be that concerned about picking up better players at tryouts to make a team better. The club should be more concerned about continuing the development of its current players the following season. If the club or coach are confident in the current players’ potential for growth in their development system, than bringing in new players is not a priority or how the club relies on making teams better.

I think it is clear that tryouts are not just a way to place kids in appropriate level teams and competition (which is not always the case), but a way clubs battle with one another to try to make their teams better by recruiting players in from other clubs. Often clubs questions a player's “loyalty” when a player leaves their club for another for whatever reason. It is often in the context that the club has provided (although the player paid for) a tremendous experience and training to get better and the player “just leaves” after all these seasons.

But on the other hand, when a club cuts or demotes a player due to “better” players coming into the club, the “loyalty” question now comes from the player and parents. In their mind, they have committed to this club and its philosophy, and then just like that, they are moved off a team (they have grown close to) or cut from the club entirely. After the thousands of dollars, volunteer work and helping the club in various ways, they are shown the door or moved closer to it.

You may feel I am painting an unfair picture of the tryout process, but I think it is time we talk about the part of the process that gets swept under the rug or just accepted as “that is how we have always done it.” Being part of a club or team used to mean a lot more. Like most clubs, when you join, pay your dues, and put in the needed work to build the club and promote the club, better yourself within the club, and represent the club to your highest level, you would think the club would not show you the door as soon as someone comes along who has more value in their eyes.

If we are going to have tryouts, that is fine, but let’s at least do it in a way that does not make us look borderline reckless with the kids we work with all year round. The kids that are in your club, should not have to tryout for coaches who they have worked with all year long. You know where they stand, or you should. Let them know where they stand at the end of the year, and then let them decide what they want to do. During tryouts, focus your attention and resources and really evaluating and getting to know new players interested in the club. It will help to really know if A) the player is a good fit for the club and B) that the club is a good fit for the player by the added time given to observing the player and discussing the club’s philosophy/programs.

For your returning players, they should already know where they stand based on the 10 months of practices and games leading up to those tryouts. To make them feel like they are "trying out" for their placement for the following year seems illogical and unfair. The benefit of being part of the club the previous year(s) is that the coaches know these players already and there is no evaluation needed at that point. Those players, if they wish to return, can relax after all their hard work from the previous year and be placed accordingly. If they are returning, the end of the season does not mark the start of the most anxious time of the year, but time for a much needed vacation.

Is this an irrational attempt of changing a system? Maybe… but that is my idea. What is yours?

Soccer Parent Landmines

Being a parent is difficult, but being a parent of a soccer player poses additional challenges that can put a lot of stress on parents and the child. The soccer community is not the easiest to navigate, and it can be overwhelming, especially for parents with kids going through the process for the first time. There will be a lot of things that go on throughout the season that can distract parents from what is most important; their child having fun and learning the game. With all decisions a parent must make, it is important that the result of each decision is in the best interest of the kid and it helps make their playing experience better. There will always be bumps in the road, but those bumps can quickly turn into large sink holes that can torpedo a season and child's enjoyment playing the game.

It is not just the kids, but the parents, who feel the pressure of the club soccer experience. All want to be doing what is right to help their child have success on the field. The heart, I believe, is always in the right place, but the pressure and culture of the competitive environment can lead parents to act or get involved in the process in a way not originally intended.

Based on my experience in youth soccer and working with parents, here are some tips for getting through the season that makes it enjoyable for everyone.

Do Not Reward Performance to Motivate Kids

There are parents who decide to motivate their child through “rewards’ for good performance on the field. With the goal to try to help their child have more success on the field, work harder, or "play better," the child is offered something in return. Now, do these rewards work to help a player work a little harder, focus more, or maybe score a couple more goals? Sometimes they do work, but only in the short term. This type of reward system begins to make playing the game about getting something in return; not playing the game because it is fun or it is something the child wants to do. Once the excitement of the rewards wears off, the child’s desire to play the game will also diminish or a bigger reward will be required to reach the same level of motivation.

Outside of that, it can affect performance in a negative way. For example, a player who is being incentivized to score goals may start playing differently or making bad decisions in order to try to score more goals that do not help the player improve. What if the player does not score a goal but has a great game, works really hard, and played very well? Even though the player had success on the field, the player will still feel like they failed because he did not score and will not be rewarded.

Should kids be rewarded for great effort and doing their best? Absolutely! I am not advocating otherwise, but parents need to be very careful about using rewards to try to get the child to play differently or enjoy the game more. In short, you should go out for ice cream after the game to celebrate having a fun day at the soccer field, but you do not take that away or hold it over a child’s head based on their performance. Quickly, what was meant to make a player want to play better will turn into a reason why a player will not want to play at all.

Avoid the Drama of the Parent Sideline

The sideline of a soccer game or practice can be a tough place to sit in peace and just enjoy the game or watch your child play. Parents are constantly faced with the uncomfortable conversations or the “soccer gossip” from other parents who are “in the know” or are frustrated about… whatever. As you are watching the game, you will hear parents talking about other parents, the coach, other players, or other teams. It will start with, “Did you hear?” and end with, “So..what do you think?”

NEVER ANSWER THAT QUESTION. Well, you can, but I strongly suggest avoiding it. It can lead you down a road you had no intention of being on.

Although I think all of us are somewhat drawn to conflict or at least enjoy hearing about it, I would do everything you can to avoid getting sucked into these types of conversations. The conversation may be prefaced with “just between you and me” but that is not how it will stay. It will always get back to whom it may concern, and then it will work its way back to you. Something you really did not care much about to begin with, will quickly become something that totally consumes you. My suggestion is avoid the conversation or change the subject when someone tries to have this type of conversation with you.

There is a fear of not being “in the know” so sometimes parents feel the need to seek out this information, so they are “informed” and can help make decisions to help their child. The one thing I will say about that is these conversations rarely consist of accurate information. In the end, you will not be more informed, but you will feel you are and that will lead to additional issues.

If through the course of the year, you feel the need to address a concern or discuss an issue, only do it with the person who it concerns. If you want to be informed, go to the source. Whether it is a coach or another parent, address all concerns and issues directly with that person. If you choose to “gossip” about it with others, eventually the person whom with you have the concern with will hear about it, but not in the way you would want and not told really what you said. Or worse, you will think you are informed and you are not, and you make a decision or choice that will affect your child adversely using bad information.

Be the Parent Not the Assistant Coach

It is important that your child has their parent waiting for them when they leave the soccer field and not an assistant soccer coach. Ask your child about their practice and show an interest in what they learned or if they had fun, but avoid giving tips and advice on how they could have played better or what they need to do next time when they are on the field. Leave that for the coach. That is the coach’s job, and you can always ask the coach questions if you need to about those things, but your child just needs you to be their parent and show you care about how they did and you love to watch them play.

Again, because all parents want to help their child have success, it is hard to stop from doing this when your child comes off the field. You might have seen something that you feel can really help them play better or have more fun, so again, I believe parents are just trying to help. But do your best to let that information come from the coach. If your child asks you how you think he did, do not be afraid to answer his questions. Dodging the question or acting like you are uninterested would not be beneficial either, but be careful when answering to try not to correct the issue for the child. Be more general with your statements and allow the coach to correct the finer points. Encourage the player to discuss it with the coach. The key is let the child ask you. Let the child determine if it is something he wants to talk about.

We all have our opinions of how things should be done, and as I said before, if you ever have concerns or questions, the best thing to do is ask the coach directly. The worst thing you can do is undermine the coach and tell your child to do things differently than what they are being asked at the soccer field. It just confuses the child, and it will cause conflict in the relationship between the player and the coach, and in the relationship between you and your child.

Avoid Emotional Public Responses

I do not like to be the bearer of bad news, but there will be things that happen throughout the season that upset you. Even the best coaches and parents, will make mistakes and say or do something that you have a real, and legitimate, issue with. Often, a bad situation can become much worse than it needs to be by a knee-jerk emotional response... especially in public in front of others.

Whether at practice or in a game, something will happen or be said to you or your child that will light your fuse and ignite your natural parental response to protect your child. Again, completely understandable, and I have seen a lot of situations where it is justified (but still not appropriate).

Although before responding or making a very public response and embarrassing scene for your child, I would suggest digesting what you see and take a more thought out and reasonable (not emotional) approach to responding to what happened. Why? First, what may have happened or what you heard may not be an issue if you completely understand the context behind it. Second, usually what is said out of an emotional response, even if justified, is not what you wish you would have said after the fact.

To ensure a proper and pragmatic response to negative events throughout the year, gather all the necessary information, examine it, and then proceed how you see necessary in the best interest of your child and yourself. Again, the soccer field, especially during games when competition is tough and emotions are running high, situations occur that do not have to be a major issue but are exacerbated by an emotional response from a parent (or coach).

Do Not Make Decisions out of Fear

This is the most important piece of advice I can give a parent, and the one that will make the biggest impact on your child’s experience. When deciding anything for your child, the decision should be based on what is best for your child to have a fulfilling, fun, and appropriate experience on the soccer field learning an awesome game. Decisions made out of fear will lead you and your child down a road you really do not want to go. 10 teams later, thousands of dollars spent, and many relationships burned, you will wonder how you got to that point?

A common fear parents have, and make a lot of decisions based off of, is the fear of their child being left behind. Something currently happening or missing in their child’s soccer experience creates a fear that their child is not progressing as fast as he should. Parents make decisions to change clubs/teams, force kids to train or practice more, or do not allow their kids to play for certain teams in trying to make sure their child does not fall behind their peers. The first sign that their child is lagging behind his peers, a decision is made to make a change. The parent will try to change the environment in the hopes of finding a better one will help their child have success and advance their skill.

With a decision based on fear, often all the facts are not taken into account and the actuality of the situation is skewed by the fear. The bigger and long-term perspective is not considered. With these types of decisions, we only look at a small and possibly insignificant piece of the puzzle. An "issue" may have nothing to do with the environment, the coach, or other players on the team that a child is falling behind. It can be for a lot of reasons that are out of the player’s control (developmental changes – both physical and cognitive), or possibly a losing interest in the game which will happen with some players (like with anything). Granted, there are definitely situations that kids should be moved off certain teams and moved to others, too many to mention here, but too often the move is not really necessary or appropriate. Often a change is an emotional reaction to the first sign of any type of obstacle or struggle for the player.

Most kids will not play this game at a "high" level. Moving kids from club to club or team to team to try to improve their level is not the best way to do that. Forcing a kid to train or practice more than he desires is not beneficial either. Yes, the proper environment to develop and extra training can help improve skill level, BUT ONLY WHEN IT IS SOMETHING THE PLAYER WANTS TO DO. Change does not help if the kid does not want it or a change does not address the real issues.

**Final thought… ** the one thing all of these items have in common is focusing on doing what is best for your child. Making the experience completely about them, and making it very little about you or the other adults along for the ride. When parents get distracted by all the other things that happen over a course of the season that cause a loss of focus on the real reason your child is playing, the experience quickly turns negative for everyone involved. Soccer is a game. We sometimes forget that. It is best to sit back and let your child discover the game, learn how to play it, and decide where he wants to take it. Avoid these soccer parent landmines, and you will not have to spend your child's soccer season rummaging through the debris of the aftermath of these types of situations.

Successful Coach

Below are some basic guidelines I wanted to share with coaches to help have a successful season. Although there are very few concrete rules about how things should be done, these ideas will help a coach have a bigger impact on the players and provide a tremendous experience for everyone involved with the team. Like anything, a change or adjustment of the coach's approach must make sense for the coach, the players, and the parents and help the players learn, grow, and have fun playing the game.

It is Not Your Team

This might sound strange, but it is not your team. It is the kids’ team. It is the players’ team. As a coach, your responsibility is to manage that team to give the kids the best experience possible throughout the season and help each kid learn as much as possible about the game. In doing so, the hope is to deepen their love and passion for the game, and help them become life-long players and fans of soccer.

The fastest way to direct the team in the wrong direction is to try to do things that benefit the coach, but do very little to help the players. This can be anything from canceling practices due to your schedule, adding more games than training because it is easier to manage, or making decisions about playing time or positioning to try to secure wins to fill your trophy case or pad your ego.

Also, this approach makes the team something the players’ take ownership of through the season. When the kids know it is their team, they are more likely to go above and beyond to do what is best, not just for themselves, but for those around them to help everyone be successful. With that ownership and responsibility, it keeps the kids focused on what is important throughout the season… each other. They will focus on working together to achieve more than could be done alone.

Teach for the Season – Not Week to Week

We are all guilty as coaches of coaching week to week or practice to practice. We recognize things the kids need to work on during a game or training session, and plan our next training session to address those concerns. This is a very short-term way to plan your training sessions and manage the season for the players. Instead of going week to week with your team, can you plan what they should learn and develop over the course of the entire season or year?

Like a teacher in the classroom with learning goals or targets for their students, a coach should develop the learning goals and development process for the team. Where do you want the kids to be in 6 months? 12 months? Learning and developing skills cannot happen randomly each week by focusing on this topic, than that topic, than this other topic, and then maybe back to first topic again at some point. That is not the best way to help anyone learn anything.

Of course things will come up throughout the year that need more attention and should be built into the training sessions, but you can begin the year with a plan of what you will teach the kids during the season. Where do you start? How do you shape the path? And where will that path lead?

Know Your Players

As coaches, we all strive to learn more about the game. We seek out new activities, training exercises, and coaching techniques. This is very important to stay on top of the “best practices” used by the elite coaches around the world, and to stay on top of how the game changes over the years. This is critical to helping your players.

But none of that matters much if you do not know how to best reach your players. One of the most important things to learn as quickly as possible when a season begins is who your players are? Collectively and individually, who are they, how do they learn, what motivates them, who can be pushed one way versus another way, what do they do outside of soccer and how does that affect or relate back to the soccer field?

All the answers to these questions, and many others, are important information for a coach to have in order to properly prepare how to approach each training session and the way to manage the season. The more you know about your players the easier it is to build rapport and gain their trust which helps you be a more effective teacher of the game.

An important part of this is knowing, based on the players’ age and ability levels, how to plan an appropriate training session that fits their developmental and cognitive needs, strengths, and limitations. If you coach a U8 team or U16 team, there should be a stark contrast in the focus and approach with both of those age groups.

Know Your Parents

Every parent group I work with has been very different, and all needed to be handled accordingly. I do not mean that in a negative way, but knowing your “audience” helps you know how, when, and why to communicate with that audience to effectively keep everyone on the same page throughout the season.

All parents have different expectations for a soccer season, for their child, and of their child’s coach. Understanding these expectations and getting out in front of any issues before they become issues, helps the season run smoothly for everyone. I am not saying change your coaching style or do things differently on the field with the kids than you think is appropriate, but understanding how your parent group sees or perceives your actions can help you communicate more clearly the purpose of your actions throughout the season.

Parents can, and should, be allies during the season to help make the experience a great one for the kids. This process starts with the coach being completely transparent and open to dialogue with parents creating a collaborative effort to give the players what they need to be successful.

If you take a “them against me” approach to your parents, you can expect to have a very long season, and you will lose a piece of the puzzle needed to provide the best playing environment for the kids.

Know You

Look in a mirror and ask yourself, “Who am I?” Seriously, it may sound funny, but it is important to have a good understanding of the type of coach and person you are when it comes to managing the season. As coaches, we try to pull things from other coaches to try to use during the season. Whether it is a training session, team building activity, a way to communicate with the parents or players, or how to manage a game, no matter how great an idea or process it may be, it will ultimately fail if it does not fit who you are, your demeanor, and personality as a coach. Those great ideas, that you see work for other coaches, work for those coaches because they created them with themselves in mind.

Am I saying do not try to grow or adjust your coaching style as a coach, improve, or change the way you run a season? Absolutely not! We all should change and grow each year, but that growth and change has to be something that works with who we are as people too. Don’t try to fit a square peg in a round hole, but definitely try to find a better round peg and the best way use it.

Often coaches try new activities or management ideas that are good, but are not adjusted to fit the coach (or players) in order to use those new ideas effectively. As it is important to design training sessions that best fit your players’ needs, it is just as critical, that the training session allows the person running it to use their strengths to their potential to reach the players.

Arrive Early – Stay Late

If there is anything that shows the parents and the players that you are organized and planned out, it is being at practice early, with the field set up, waiting for the players to arrive. It shows another level of dedication and commitment to making sure each training session is meaningful and well-prepared for the players. Although it is not a reality all the time for some coaches with other work schedules, do your best to work out a way to be at practice before it starts.

Think about the visual image to the players and parents of two different scenarios. First one, the coach is at the field waiting for the kids to arrive, and the field is set up and ready for the session’s activities. As the kids arrive, the coach greets each player and gets the session started on time. The second one is vastly different, practice should be starting but the coach is racing from the parking lot to the field. The kids are already there and are waiting on the coach. The coach quickly drops his bags, hurries to set up the first activity, and calls the players in to get started. Now, even if the coach has a session prepared, how different do you think the session would go based on the way it was started when compared to the coach who was early?

When training is over, it is a bad image to see a coach race for the parking or beat the kids off the field. As practice ends, debrief the session with the players, and make yourself available to the players if anyone needs to ask questions or discuss anything. Make yourself available to the parents too. It is a great time to answer questions about the training session or their child. It may actually save you time versus having to receive an email later and respond (probably more than once).

Being early and staying late sends a great message to both the parents and the players about your commitment and dedication to your craft.

Communicate – ALL THE TIME

I’d prefer to be accused of over communicating versus under communicating with my players and parents. The more open and continuous the chain of dialogue between everyone involved with a team the more information everyone has about what is going on with the team and parents are knowledgeable about how their child is doing.

A coach’s biggest mistake, with both players and parents, is ASSUMING something done or said makes complete and total sense to everyone else, and it was interpreted exactly how the coach planned. Frankly, it is never the case. The more information provided to explain what is being done with the players and team over the course of the season, the less room there is for assumptions, or players and parents filling in the blanks with their own answers about what should be happening.

Most of the time, it is never a good situation with a coach that either refuses to openly communicate with parents and players, or just assumes what is being done should make sense to everyone else so there is no need for additional clarification.

Be Flexible but Don’t Break

With all that said, start the season with a set of guidelines and standards for all involved, including yourself. Both the players and parents should have a full understanding of what they should expect from you over the course of the year. Now guidelines and standards rarely work when they are chiseled in stone. With the standards and guidelines in mind, when presented with different situations throughout the season the decisions you make should be in line with the goal of those principles.

If you are too rigid, you may make decisions in line with what you set forth at the beginning of the year, but really does not make a lot of sense based on a situation that you did not foresee. You should always be trying to do what is in the best interest of the players and team. When sticking to rules that force a decision that is not in the best interest of a player, the unwillingness to be flexible will actually create a situation that goes against the reason for having the rules in the first place.

This does not mean to cave on everything. In fact, that would be grossly ineffective on the other side of the spectrum of team management. I am just suggesting that is prudent to analyze each situation and make the best decision possible to help the player and team. This may force a coach to be more flexible, but it should never force the coach to break away from a core belief in what is best for the player and team’s learning and development.

...Before the next season begins, consider some of these key areas about how you will manage the team and players’ experience. Hopefully some of these items will help you plan a season that is meaningful and enjoyable one for all involved. With all the above in mind, one of the most important things a coach can do is have fun with the season. Show the kids how much you enjoy the game, how much you enjoy coaching, and how much you enjoy watching them play and learn. Your passion and enthusiasm, the fun you are having, will permeate throughout the team.

The Ball is a Toy

With the competitiveness and pressure around sports, it is easy to forget that every sport is just a game. Not much different than jumping rope, tag, or hide and go seek, soccer (like other sports) is a game to be played for fun. There are winners and losers, but the goal is to play, get exercise, and enjoy the time with the friends. It is sad when sports moves from this view into more of a "job" or work, both in which a game was never intended. Even when players play a sport for a living, for the most part, the best at the game still play it because it is fun and they love it. Like most games, when the game was invented, I am confident the “creator” did not do it so one day those who play this game at the highest level will get paid to do it. This means, at the heart of every game, every sport, and in soccer, the things used to play the game should be seen as toys.

Ask a kid to show you his toys. What do you think he will point to? Most likely, the child will point to a video game system, maybe some board games, an ipad, dolls or stuffed animals, but I highly doubt that most children would point to their soccer ball. To me, this is a very sad thought. As a kid, my soccer ball was always in my “toy bin” in my room. That is exactly how I saw the ball. It was not something I would go “train” with or use to “practice.” It was just a toy, and something I would go to have fun and entertain myself. It was no different than my Atari, Pogo Stick, or Voltron action figures (I will pause and allow for Google searches).

This is a change that needs to occur in the youth soccer culture. The soccer ball cannot be seen as a work tool, or something that is only used when asked by an adult or coach. That is not how toys work. Think of anyone who is amazing at what they do (an artist, writer, programmer, mechanic, architect, etc… ) and I bet those people see the “tools” of their profession more as toys they get to play with everyday, and that is the reason why they are the best at what they do.

When it comes to toys, what do kids do with them? Well, for one thing they tend to use the toy in way that it was probably never intended, or in other words, they find creative ways to use the toy. When it comes to soccer, this is a key thing that is missing with kids and their relationship to the soccer ball. Many kids will only do what they have been told to do with the soccer ball. This is rarely the case with something a kid sees as a toy. If anything, parents often, and even to the point of frustration, have to keep reminding a child what a toy should be used for. For example, I was constantly told, “Your sister’s Barbies are not Frisbees.” Although I think I proved my parents wrong by successfully throwing them over the house to my friend.

If we want players to be imaginative with the ball and creative when they play the game, they need to view the soccer ball as a toy, not just at home, but at practice and in games. It is something they play with and needs to be treated accordingly. It should not be something a child dreads to have during a game, or something they are asked to get rid of right away. Frankly, they should never be discouraged from “playing with it” for too long. This is why I think the soccer ball should always be part of activities during practice and the player’s should be around it as often as possible. No one likes waiting their turn in a line to play with a toy.

As adults, we forget how to play with toys. We tend to use things exactly for what they are designed for and use them how directed to make sure we do not break them or use them incorrectly. Unintentionally, we sometimes force kids to share our same way of thinking when they play. We ask them to see the soccer ball, or the game, through our eyes and share our views, but is that what we really want for the kids? Do you really want the kids view and understanding of the game limited by your understanding and view of the game? I think most parents and coaches hope kids discover the game in their own way, and their understanding and joy to play it surpasses their own.

The only way for this to happen, for kids to regain their freedom and enjoyment of playing the game, is for them, and all of us, to view the soccer ball in its purest form... as a toy. As such, parents will allow a kid to interact with the ball like it is a toy, and the child will play with the ball like it is a toy. This will unleash the player’s love to play with the ball and unlock the possibilities of what the player can do with the ball. Like with any toy, once the imagination becomes involved, there is not much a kid cannot do with it.

From now on, when a parent tells their kids to go play with their toys, hopefully the soccer ball (or the football, baseball, bike, skateboard) is considered to be in that category. Yes, it may still take a back seat to the PlayStation or Xbox, but maybe the players will consider playing with it if the power goes out.

Make a Decision and Learn

Soccer has no patience for indecisiveness. Soccer will not wait for uncertainly to fade or allow a player to over analyze any situation on the field before making a decision. Soccer is extremely impatient and it expects a player to make choices immediately and often. Any hesitation or second guessing will be punished with a loss of possession and mounting frustration. The game rewards confidence. Confident decisions, right or wrong, gives the player the opportunity to be successful or the opportunity to learn and get better. When a player makes no decision, not only will he lose possession of the ball, but there is nothing to be gained or learned… well except that next time a decision needs to be made.

When players get the ball on the field, it is important that they try to do something with it. Whether it is dribbling into space, controlling the ball and finding a pass, taking a shot, turning, etc… the player should always make a choice with the ball based on what the player sees. Often a player receives the ball, and is paralyzed by uncertainly on what to do next. Either he has it in his mind already what he wants to do, but that option is not available, or he sees multiple options and is not sure which one to choose. He wants to make sure he does not make a mistake, so the player just sits on the ball waiting for the game to force him to do something. Although, normally a defender takes possession of the ball before anything can be done.

I tell players to do what the game is asking them to do. Not the coach or a parent, as it is the game that presents the problem and has a solution. The player should have an idea of what to do with the ball before having possession BASED ON WHAT IS SEEN going on in the game, but also should continue to evaluate that decision as the ball arrives. Players should constantly scan the field to see what is happening around them instead of just following where the ball is with their eyes. Players rarely look to see what is happening in other areas of the field since they are only focused on the ball.

Once the ball is on their foot, the player needs to make a decision. Based on what is happening in that moment of the game, a choice needs to be made. The longer the player sits idle with the ball and takes no action, the more time defenders have to close down the space, take away options, and win possession of the ball. The faster a decision is made the less time defenders have to prepare or anticipate what the player may do with the ball.

Another side of this is when a player is looking for a “better option” with the ball. The player really wants to go forward or take a shot, but currently there is no opportunity to do so. The player has an option to play the ball back or across the field, but chooses to sit and wait with the ball, hoping a “better option” will present itself. Instead of playing the pass or taking space that is available, the player spends too much time looking for something different and eventually loses possession or tries to force something to happen that is not available.

Now, I am a coach that advocates that players should know what they want to do with the ball before the ball arrives. The goal is that the player can prepare the ball for his next move with the controlling first touch and execute a decision quickly. Unfortunately, I have found that many players, when asked to do this (especially young players), have a hard time changing their mind once they decide what they want to do when they get the ball. When the player gets the ball, as I wanted him to do, he knows what he wants to do with it and goes with that decision. The problem is that things in the game are constantly changing, so players need to make sure that what they wanted to do is still available. If something has changed, then the player needs to react and play according to those changes. So yes, the player needs to make a decision, but it needs to be made in real time, even when the player has an idea of what to do with the ball before gaining possession. As the pieces move on the field and the situation changes, the player needs to be decisive in that moment. Making a decision too early, too late, or not at all, are all costly when trying to keep possession of the ball.

The biggest benefit of the player making a decision and acting on it is that it gives the player an opportunity to learn. By making a choice and trying to play, the player will get immediate feedback from the game. Either the choice worked or it did not. The thing player’s have to be careful about when evaluating those situations is when something does not work, is it because the decision was not the right one, or did it not work due to a technical deficiency of the player (i.e. – an inaccurate pass)? In both situations, the player will have learned a valuable piece of information that will help improve his level of play. Either a player’s decision making or ability to execute those decisions will be challenged or affirmed.

When a player hesitates on the ball or just kicks the ball away without any thought, there is no opportunity to evaluate or learn from that moment in the game. The only things evident are: 1) the player either lacks the skills or confidence to try anything with the ball, 2) the player does not know what to do with the ball, and/or 3) the player is afraid to lose the ball (usually due to being ridiculed by coach, parent, or teammate).

Like at any other time in our lives, it is better to fail confidently than it is to fail from inaction or fear. Doing nothing accomplishes nothing, and it provides no opportunities to learn and grow. This is why it should be demanded that players constantly make choices on the field based on what the game is asking of them, and confidently execute those decisions and learn from them each time. Those choices should not be about avoiding losing the ball. Instead, those decisions should be focused on trying to keep the ball and improve the technical and tactical skills required to play the game.

In short, the game is the best teacher ONLY when it has a group of kids who are willing to actually play the game, make decisions, and learn from those decisions.